Sunday, May 21, 2006
11:22 PM
Today, while I was swimming my laps, I started thinking to myself that today is another day, and I was getting through it, and could cross it off the calendar. May will soon be over, and June migth be the month that Cupcake comes home. As I was thinking about it, I started realizing that this waiting is *so* hard, and I don't know how I am going to stand at least another month of it. She's growing up so fast, and I am missing so much. In every photo, she's like a different little girl. I miss her so much. I can't explain the feelings at all.
Anyway, when I emerged from the water to take a breath, I realized there was a rainbow *around* the sun. Sort of like the picture at the top of this post (which I did *not* take), but much more vivid. I never heard or saw anoything like that before. I just did some research and it's a natural phenomenom caused by ice crystals high in the sky and reflection (science blabber here...) but it kinda freaked me out.
I don't know how I feel about signs and messages, but whenever I am looking for something- some kind of comfirmation, some kind of inspiration, some kind of comfort- I usually find it in the sky. So to see a rainbow around the sun was a little weird. I asked, I challenged, and I got an answer. And I am going to run with it. I know that this all has to happen the way it has to happen, that there's a reason for it taking so long and for us not being with Cupcake now. I try and remind myself that the last time I felt like I didn't understand the timing of things was when I was with my previous adoption agency, waiting for a promised referral that never came. Now I realize it never came because that referral *wasn't* our Cupcake, and if it had come... well, let's just say things would be messy now. And our beautiful little baby girl we are so desperate to get to might not have been matched with us. The idea of it is unthinkable, and so I know that things happen the way they are supposed to.
So I am trying to chill out and hang in there, but it's hard. The rainbow was a reminder that there's nothing I can do about it but sit back and wait for it to work itself out, and unfold in front of me.
