Wednesday, March 29, 2006
12:48 AM

We're paperchasing again. I hate thispart because it's all over the place- go here for a stamp, go here for a form, go there for a signature, send the forms off for more. Our former agency is gathering our dossier (which is in various stages of translation and authentication) to send back to us, but in the meantime, we're trying hard to get as much of it together and re-do what we can. DTV = travel. Referrals can come any time (*sigh*) but travel is pretty much based on the time the dossier gets to Vietnam (at least in our agency's case) so we want it THERE. YESTERDAY. YES-TER-DAY.

I feel like this adoption is sort of like one of those puzzles where you have to slide the pieces around to get the picture to show up. Or a Rubick's cube. It's just a lot of moves and processes and shifts to get everything in the right place at the exact right time. I think the picture is coming together, though.

Still need to post pics from baby shower. I look like hell in every picture. I'm trying to find a few pictures where I don't look like a grinning fool. When do these things not matter anymore? I'm almost 32. You'd think this nonsense would be over by now, I'd be comfortable in my own skin. I'm getting there, but whenever I see a picture of myself I haven't prepped for, I think "yikes, looks like 10 miles of bad road."

I started doing this crazy anti-oxidant/glycolic acid regimen on my face, hoping it would eliminate the horrible goggle tan I have picked up from swimming daily, but it doesn't appear to be working. The burning searing sensation on my skin would indicate that it IS, but cameras and I still do not get along. My goal is to get the brown tan sludge/freckle/goggle lines off my face before Cupcake arrives. I don't want to scare her any more than she is likely to be. All she needs to see is a striped lady come towards her and reach out to her...

I can't stop thinking about myy Cupcake, thinking about her life in the orphanage. Who takes care of her? When she babbles and blows baby bubbles, what does it sound like? Does she have any toys? When she sneezes, does someone sayy "Bless You!", wipe her little nose and tell her to "blow"? Does she like any people there better than all the rest? What's her routine? What time does she wake up? Does she ever get up in the middle of the night and just stare at the ceiling, processing baby thoughts? Is she cold, warm, or just right? Is her crib okay? Does she have any idea what's about to happen to all of us? I hope someone there has a fondness for her, gives her a little extra love. I hope all the babies get that from the nannies. A little extra kiss and cuddle now and then.

This is a crazy week. Good crazy. I hope to have some news soon that I can share with everyone...

Goodnight!

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