Monday, September 25, 2006
11:59 PM
Today was my first day as a stay-at-home mom.
Wait, what?
Let me explain- today was the first day I shut off the part of my brain that says "you must work!" and spent the entire day with Grace. I didn't go into the studio one single time, except to put away some clean towels.
I work from home- I'm a jewelry designer. I work out of a studio here in the house. It's been VERY hard for me to make the adjustment to not desperately need and/or want to work. I love my job- it's a dream come true. It's been hard to break away from what I do to go and sit on the floor and basically let Grace hand me things and then take them back 4,000 times. For those of you without children, that's basically what 9-12 month olds do. That, and take things apart. Of course, they are INCREDIBLY cute WHILE doing these two things, but there's no real "playing" yet.
I've been trying to give Grace all my attention, plus manage at least a half day of work every day. For a while I had her in here (the studio, where I am typing from) with me, but it's just not safe and it's completely frustrating to keep her out of everything and it's frustrating for her to be be KEPT out of everything.
A few days ago I realized that I couldn't work and be a full time mom, and that on weekdays, when Tom works, I just gotta tear myself away from the studio and the mindset that a day without work is a sin, and give Grace my entire day.
I have to admit, it was very strange to sit on the floor and just play, for hours on end. I kept thinking "I have to get to work!" Sometimes Grace wanted to play with me, sometimes she wandered off and did her own thing (and I read a jewelry design book and made some notes/sketches for my 2007 line, and also ordered Grace a Halloween costume). I kept feeling the need to go DO SOMETHING, and then having to remind myself that what I was doing was more important than any beads I could make. And I have to admit, being Grace's mom is a lot more challenging than jewelry design- it forces me out of my own head, and I'm not used to that. For the last few weeks I have been using work as a bit of an escape, but it needed to stop.
So it will take some time to adjust. But today was probably the very best day Grace and I had since she came home- no temper tantrums, no struggles. We both enjoyed one another. She had two great naps, and ate really well (we've been having throw up issues, more on that in another entry....)
So here's to many more days like today, (with just a FEW hours here and there for work.)
Woohoo - I finally figured out how to comment! Yay! Anyway I can TOTALLY relate to this. I actually struggle with this constantly. For me, it does not get any better, even after 3 kids and 12 years behind my belt. It will likely always be a struggle for me. To balance my needs, my child's needs, my different hats. I'm glad you had such a good day. I can relate to that too. Sometimes it just hits you - aha - that's what it's all about!
Posted by Nicki @ September 26, 2006 11:17 AM
Oh My Gawd. Thank you for posting this. Thank you for saying what I have been struggling with ever since my second little boy came home. Too many days have gone by with me doing nothing but errands around the house, stopping only to do 'necessities' to/for each boy... and then realizing at the end of the day that they got NO good one-on-one time and I merely 'got through it' instead of enjoying it and taking the time to interact or more than a 'get food in, get poop off, get clothes on'.
So - you are NOT alone - and you are so lucky to have realized this NOW... it has taken me almost 3 months (Nolan turns three months in a few days - holy CRAP) to realize I need to slow the hell down, and that getting to my email or the laundry or what-have-you isn't life-or-death... I *will* get it done but I need to just learn to enjoy this time with the kids and make sure THEY are getting the attention they deserve and thrive on.
Posted by erin @ September 27, 2006 01:28 AM
we have a little chair and table and box of stuff for abigail in our studio. she loves to sit at her "desk" and draw, while Jade and I work on our stuff :) She's a bit older than Grace though, but it will come :)
Posted by melanie @ October 5, 2006 05:33 PM
