Wednesday, April 11, 2007
7:15 PM
I have a confession to make.
I have never taken Gracie ANYWHERE. What I mean by that is that I have never gotten her in the car and taken her anywhere on my own, without someone with her. Not one single time. I do not take her anywhere unless someone else is with us. I feel so terrible about this, and so resentful of my health when it comes to this situation. I can't take her anywhere with me- to the park, to a playgroup, to the supermarket, to the library, etc. Someone has to be there.
Why?
I am terrified to, scared for her safety. I can't pick her up or carry her, so how does one go somewhere with a baby when you can't hold her or pick her up and carry her? And no, a sling is no longer an option.
Here's the dilemma: Say I wanted to go to Target. What could I do? First step is parking the car. There's no way I would let her walk across the parking lot with me after I parked. I couldn't carry her across the lot to the store. I would never leave her in the car ALONE while I went and got a cart. I couldn't exactly find a cart and hook it to my car and tow it to a disabled parking space. I could park near an abandoned cart, but all the local shops have the cart mafia who lurk around and collect the carts as soon as you abandon them. And there are no spots way down at the end by clusters of carts like they have in other cities. I've actually tried driving around waiting to claim a cart/space combo when shopping, just to see if it could be done, and it's impossible.
So what could I do? The only thing I come up with is bringing her foldable umbrella stroller and putting her in it at the car and wheeling her into the store. But the umbrella stroller is really flimsy and doesn't fold easily, will take up a ton of room in the cart, and walking while leaning on it (I use a cane) makes me nervous. I'm fine with a shopping cart, but how do I get both of us TO one without putting her down and risking her running off or turning away from her to fold the stroller?
I am seriously thinking of getting a harness for her. I KNOW it's terrible, and I've always laughed at people who felt the need to leash their children. But I can't keep up with her. I can't take her outside with me, I can't pick her up when she decides to have a tantrum and sit on the floor... Ideally *I* would wear the damn harness and let her hold the end, but it doesn't work that way.
I'm thinking with a harness I can have alittle more control and piece of mind in situations where she could run off. Maybe I could take her places and bring the stroller, and just use the harness in those moments when I am getting her out of the stroller and into the cart. That way if her feet touch ground for a second, or I need to put her down to do something, I have a "grip" on her. We can also go into the front yard during the day without me worrying about her running off or *shudder* down into the street. I know it's not a substitute for parenting or awareness, and I don't mean for it to be. But I need a hand, and I'm tired of needing someone to COME WITH US in order for us to go anywhere. I want to take her to the library for story time and out to Target with me. I want to feel confident and not sit here, literally mapping the trip and aspects of the car-to-cart handoff on a piece of paper in serious, minute detail.
I hate how my health might affect her, how it already has.
Here's the harness I am considering- it looks like a kid's backpack, just with a strap that the parent holds at the bottom of it. It seems much more respectable and dignified for Gracie than those horrible ones that look like little straight jackets. I feel like posting a big sign on it explaining that it's not her behavior that warrants a harness, but mine!
I don't think that's a horrible idea at all. When it comes to the safety of a child you have to do whatever is necessary. I think that it's a great idea if it gives you the option of being able to bring her out on your own. Give it a try.
Posted by Mimi @ April 11, 2007 09:53 PM
I used to say I would never use one of those things either until I had a kid who was a runner :-P An attached kid (be it a sling, a harness, a hand, whatever works) is better than a dead one. Period.
My intial concern would be that she might really yank it hard and pull you down. I imagine you'd be prepared for that a bit and compensating but still, that was my first reaction to the idea. I wish there was an easy alternative. Why don't they keep carts out by the disabled spots? That is such a 'duh' to me but I guess they never do it. Dumb.
Do it soon. The longer you wait, the scarier it will seem.
One last thought - I have never successfully gotten a kid to use one of those things. Like I said, I tried but my kid would just plop down and refuse to move. It did not work out. I hope Gracie is more accomidating :-) With Noah, he was always really happy to just hold my hand so he did that literally from the moment he could walk. It was like goign in a car seat for him. It took a long time for me to convince him it was ok to let go :-) I'm starting that habit early with Addy too. Is that just out of the question with Gracie girl?
Posted by Nicki @ April 11, 2007 10:20 PM
We have this exact harness - I use it on either Zeeb or R (depending who needs it most at the time!) They both *love* it and don't see it as a bad thing at all.
Target's hard because of the cart thing... other places you could just use a good stroller (I prefer a more traditional stroller to the umbrella type because they always seem too flimsy to me). The good news is Gracie is getting bigger every day and soon it will not be hard to have her hold your hand and walk a little. :-)Posted by Christina @ April 11, 2007 11:03 PM
Ideally *I* would wear the damn harness and let her hold the end, but it doesn't work that way.
I know a few people who have made "magic belts," comprised of a belt for the caregiver and a belt for the child, connected with a tether, in case that idea might appeal to you more. :-)
I tethered Sam with the sling (put it around his waist and cinched the rings about him) when we would walk the crowded sidewalks of Ann Arbor. He wasn't thrilled, but he realized that he had a choice between that and being carried, so he put up with it. I don't think it's disrespectful; I mean, it's not like you're jerking the leash and telling them to "Heel!" ;-)
Posted by Carrie @ April 12, 2007 09:21 AM
Ok, I don't know if you go back and read these things but I just found your blog thru my friend Kelly. My husband is in a simlar situation with our now 20 month old daughter. He can't pick her up and carry her and that has caused him to be very afraid to go anywhere with her - parking lots scare him to death thinking of trying to get her out of the car and her running off. We got that exact harness and he was uncomfortable with it at first but after some convincing by me that noone will think he is putting her on a leash because he clearly walks with crutches and it is an extenuating circumstance, he warmed to the idea and now it works great for times when the stoller is too much of a hassle. We also got a really cheap little $15 umbrella stroller for his use. It is very small, very lightweight and takes up very little room as opposed to him trying to maneuver our bigger one. We made a makeshift L shaped attachment out of plastic PVC pipe, to extend one of the handles to a good length for his height and to use with his crutches. The extension also comes across to the middle to put the presssure of where he is pushing in the middle of the two handles so it doesn't go in circle. He can get it out of the car, it is light enough (less than 5 lbs) that he can set it up, put her in it and on days he can walk with one crutch, he can push it with the one hand and use his crutch with the other, so there is no leaning on it for support. Then he gets one of the electric carts (he hates them, but it works best) sits down, gets her out of the stroller and puts the folded stroller in the basket on the front of the cart, the baby in his lap. It sounds complex but was pretty simple and the bottom line is that with his situation, our life IS a little complex, so we have to come up with alternate solutions to make it easy. Screw what everyone else is thinking! This gives him freedom, independence and confidence with our daughter- well worth it. Also, I've found that things she won't do with me - like listen and follow - she will do when she is alone with him because she understands that is the way it works with him and she has to. Children are very perceptive, adapt well and rise to the occasion when they live in special sitatuions...it's almost like they know that they have to. Good luck finding out a solution that works for YOU and your family!
Posted by elizabeth @ July 23, 2007 03:42 PM
