Monday, September 3, 2007
4:41 PM
I've been thinking about social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace.
I don't spend much time on them as I have the (online) attention span of a gnat, but I wondered why I would even bother to sign up for them. Almost all my online friends communicate via LiveJournal and email, and I have no "long lost friends" I am really wanting to connect with (except for two people, and one I *did* reconnect with via MySpace, so I have to acknowledge that- the other is still MIA and I hope he and I can reconnect sometime in the future...)
A little history: I went to a really small high school, and there were maybe 60 people in my graduating class. So we all knew each other well after spending four years together. But I wasn't really FRIENDS with any of them. I was out of school a lot because of all the surgery I had, and when I was in school, I didn't know where I belonged. It was an odd situation, often heartbreaking. And the day I graduated was blissful- I practically ran off campus, overjoyed.
So, with this in my past, why bother including my alma mater in my profile and joining the alumni groups?
I think it's this, and this is me being maybe TOO honest:
I think I am hoping that all the people in high school who didn't really know me, or didn't really connect with me, will say "I was wrong about you. I never gave you a chance. Let's get to know one another."
I know you can't go back and change the past. I guess I am hoping that maybe there's a chance I can someday go back and be able to heal some of those old wounds, be able to think about high school without becoming numb. Lately I have been thinking a lot about my 16 year old self and how I wish I could go back in time and let her know that it all turns out okay, that she just needed to get through a few rough years before it all turned around. I'm feeling really tender toward her.
And then there's also the ways high school shapes your view of yourself. And my struggle to shake that after all these years. That was NOT real life, and I need to stop thinking that just because I had four rocky social years when I was a teenager, it's going to always be that way.
Just thinking...
Wow! When did you do this? It looks fantastic. I am *so* totally clueless, what is facebook?
Posted by lil @ September 5, 2007 09:54 AM
Shoot! There's more. Now I've got to go and read all your posts!
Posted by lil @ September 5, 2007 09:55 AM
i LOVE this layout, the colors, graphics, everything! :)
Posted by danielle @ September 6, 2007 11:28 PM
I am so with you on this Chel... too many self-esteem issues wrapped up in my high school years - hence, I'm reconnecting with kids from the Good Years - i.e. grades 6-9 or so.
Posted by erin @ September 7, 2007 10:52 PM
Yea, I think a lot of us feel the same way. I was a complete outsider, but I grew out of being shy because I was so different. Now I use that to my advantage. It is too bad that we can't tell the kids on the verge of suicide or the worse.
Posted by Jus @ September 8, 2007 10:46 PM
I totally get what your saying about highschool...for me it was not a good memory! Anyway, I love your blog, I'm an artist too, (teach elem art), you daughter is beautiful! I'll add you to my blog roll! Teri
Posted by Teri McClain @ September 9, 2007 10:44 AM
You've been tagged!! check out my blog for details!!
Posted by Teri McClain @ September 10, 2007 08:56 PM
that was a real "Oh yeah!" entry for me to read. i think that you are learning so much about yourself and form probably the first real adultish relationships that are separate from your family when you go to high school, so it is hard to realise that it doesn't have to matter, it doesn't have to reflect who you are now.
Posted by jade @ September 17, 2007 04:01 AM
