Thursday, July 13, 2006
The terror stage has finally set in. Wow. I'm just scared and nervous and my heart is pumping and my stomach is flipping all over the place.
I held it together for so long... wow.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Tom and Cupcake are officially on the first of many flights that will bring them home.
In a little more than 24 hours, I will be meeting my daughter!!
Okay, back to babyproofing.
(tick tock!)
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I cannot believe that in less than 75 hours, I get to meet this amazing, funny, silly, sweet, adorable little baby girl.
Sunday, July 9, 2006
The most common email was a request for photos. I put them all up here. I update that page (and my Flickr account) every time Tom sends new photos.
However, if you have any questions you still want me to answer, or want me to reply to your earlier email, just drop me another email and I'll get back to you for sure. It will help me if I can sort of file away the last month of email and start fresh.
Saturday, July 8, 2006
Yes, I'm feeling very frustrated and very out-of-the-loop right now. I am trying to remind myself she'll be home in just six days, but this was an incredible journey and one of *the* most important things in her life, and I couldn't be there. I was depending on people for information, and it's not coming, so I feel really lost right now.
ANYWAY- there are some new photos, which I'm going to post on Flickr and the Vietnam gallery on my website after I size them down and upload them. Preview pics to come here later! I promise to send everyone the link tonight.
What I do know is that Grace had her medical exam (which she hated with a passion) and checked out okay, except for one of her ears, but we kind of knew that she had something going on. I'm glad the antibiotics worked. She's no longer sick and is keeping all her food down and in. She weighs 18 pounds, so she'll be quite a bundle for me to carry around!
Besides the medical exam, I think they had a few days off to sight-see and shop in Ho Chi Minh City.
Now they are heading towards Hanoi, after a brief stop on the coast for a relaxing weekend. In Hanoi, they'll wrap things up and on Thursday they head home.
Here in Mama-land, I have been packing like a madwoman. Our whole spare room is now wall to wall, ceiling to floor with boxes. Pretty much everything is packed but the furniture (most of which is staying here- buh-bye, college stuff!) and the little things I need to get me through the week. Hopefully, the movers can come Monday or Tuesday and we can get the boxes out of this condo and into the house.
It looks like we might have the Certificate of Occupancy on Monday, if we are lucky. Two and a half years for this house. I don't feel relief- all I feel is completely stressed and terrified. I'll be taking on a house and a baby in the same time period. It's a little overwhelming. At this point, all I want to do is get some things unpacked, so it feels like we have a home again. I'm not good at this living in transition thing.
Monday, July 3, 2006
Here's a little movie of Cupcake after her G&R. It's worth it to stick around till the end- her "discussion" with Tom is priceless.
Sorry for the lack of communication- I'm working on email/updates now. I've been packing for the move, what a headache...
Okay, here she is...
Saturday, July 1, 2006
Unfortunately, it sounds as if she has an ear infection. She woke up unhappy and has been tugging at her ears. So Tom and his mom are going to treat her for that. She also needs to go poopy, and is a little fussy as a result. Poor girl :(
Here's some photos from their third day with Grace:
This is going to sound terribly biased and selfish, but I have the most beautiful baby. EVER. I can't even wrap my brain and heart and soul around the whole reality of it all. I can't wait to meet her and hold her.
If you want to see new photos, email me, or easier, add me to your flickr friends list (I'm gingerblue on there).
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
As you can see, Tom made it to the orphanage, and to Cupcake. The facilitator took them from the airport to the orphanage so everyone could see their babies, but it's fairly late at night, and they only had a few minutes there before they all went to the hotel.
Tom was exhausted, but he describes our Cupcake as sweet, quiet, very observant, and serene. He said that she doesn't fuss, looks at EVERYTHING, and moves her feet constantly. Throughout the whole visit, she was holding a silver paper wrapper. She was sleeping when he got there, so she was a little out of it. One of the nannies was able to make her laugh, as you can see inm the photo.
Tom and his mom are back at the hotel now. Tomorrow is Giving and Receiving, and then Cupcake leaves the orphanage, which I'm sure is going to be rough.
More as it comes in!
This is sort of easier to keep track of if you think of Vietnam being 12 hours ahead of Eastern time. Tom is traveling with his mom (Patty), and his sister (Cynthia) will join them later in the week.
The schedule - Tom left for Vietnam yesterday at around 6:30pm, Eastern time. He and his mom landed in Taipei earlier today (and gave me a quick call) and right now, at around midnight on Thursday Eastern (noon Thursday, Vietnam time), he's landing in Ho Chi Minh City. They'll be met by agency staff at the airport, and they will all travel to Danang together.
After arriving in Danang and getting settled into the hotel, Tom and his mom will go to the orphanage and meet Cupcake (Thursday afternoon Vietnam time, early Thursday morning Eastern time). After spending time with her, they'll go back to the hotel for the night.
On Friday (noon-ish Vietnam time, very early in the morning Friday Eastern) he and Cupcake will celebrate their G&R (for more info on what that is, and what Tom will be doing on his trip, check out this excellent article), and Tom will leave the orphanage with Cupcake.
As soon as I hear anything, I will post. I am hoping he can give me a call from the orphanage so I can hear Cupcake for just a second, talk to her for the very first time. Tom's sister works for Verizon so she managed to snag us a few world-wide cell phones. At over $2 a minute, they aren't cheap, but I'd love to get some sort of info as soon as he can make time to get in touch I just want to hear her breath. Isn't that silly? I just want to hear her make slurpy baby noises. Little mouth breathing. For some reason I have been wondering what she sounds like when she's just being HER.
Both Tom and his mom have promised to take a lot of digital photos, and Tom's mom promised me she would jot down little details about each day so I can do journal posts for everyone, in addition to me being up-to-date on what's going on. I hope when they get to their hotel later today, they can get online and send me some updates.
I think I'm okay- I feel kinda weird. I'm exhausted from the last few days, and I banged my head earlier on the coffee table (swift, but now I get why babyproofing is so important- it HURT!!), so I think that's contributing to how I feel. It still doesn't seem real. I think it will all sink in, though, when I hear him say "she's amazing."
More as soon as I hear anything... I'm going to bed to read and rest my noggin'. I don't imagine there will be much sleeping tonight.
Monday, June 26, 2006
The last two days I have been feeling really sick, and it sort of came to a head today. I spent a while in the bathroom, throwing up. I thought it was something I ate, but now I realize it's me being absolutely panicked about this situation. I think I will feel better Wednesday afternoon when Tom's almost done traveling the first leg and I'm finished with the stuff I have to get done right after he goes. Maybe I can enjoy the quiet time...
There's so many emotions right now. The first is that Tom is going on a very long trip for a long time. As much as I pretend to be Miss Independent, and was for quite some time, he and I haven't been apart for more than a few days since we got together in 2000. Two weeks is a long time, and I have no idea how I'll feel. I'm trying to think of it as one last quiet stretch before my life Radically Changes and I become someone's mom. But honestly, I could do without it.
I'm anxious to hear Tom's description of Cupcake, and finally meet her. Right now it doesn't click that he's actually going to meet Cupcake, and the next time I see him he will be CARRYING her. But I know as the week goes on, I will be very anxious to hear all the details and be in touch. Thank goodness Tom's sister works for Verizon- she managed to get them worldwide cell phones for the trip.
In the back of my mind, I'm scared I won't be a good mom. It's hard to write, but I know there will be times when it will be really really hard, and I will be freaking out. And I plan on being honest about it.
A few of you have asked what we packed- Tom got a bunch of Coolmax clothes for himself. For medications/health stuff, we used Dr. Aronson's list. Baby items include:
- 14 inexpensive onesies (so they can be disposable- I got a million of these at my baby shower)
- 10 outfits (mostly shorts and "bubble" thingees)
- 2 bottles with several nipples (one is Playtex with the drop ins, and the other is Avent in case she hates the Playtex)
- a few days worth of diapers
- 3 little packs of travel diaper wipes
- a travel kit of baby powder, shampoo, and lotion and other supplies
- two paks of disposable bibs, plus 3 cloth ones
- 2 hats
- bug spray and sunscreen
- 2 blankets
- socks and 2 pairs of shoes
- first aid kit
- toys (soft rattle, little doll, stuffed cat that plays music, teething stuff, photo album)
- pajamas (with and without footies)
- cloth diapers for burping and changing on the go
plus tons of toys, clothes, and supplies for the orphanage.
As far as gifts: I made the each of the nannies/volunteers at the orphanage necklaces with Red Swarovski crystal hearts on black silk cord. I put them in small gift bags, and in each bag I also added in a small bottle of Healing Garden lotion and a bottle of sheer fragrance plus a Tootsie Roll bank (they won't melt and there's a rumor that candy and American things are typical gifts).
For the male officials we need to give a gift to, we got baseball caps with a colorful logo from our city on it (which I have heard may not be a good gift, but it's too late) and bags of Hershey's Kissables. We heard M&Ms are a big thing in Vietnam, but Kissables don't melt and are brand new so we went that route.
I feel like these are crummy gifts, but I tried to follow the recommendations. How do you thank the person who has been caring for your child, and the people who are allowing you to take home a child from their country? There is no gift big enough for that.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Okay, the real entry:
First of all, I am so behind on email- and I am so sorry. It's just been so insane around here. I really feel terrible about it. I read everything, and work on responses, but usually get called away before I can finish the reply and email it. I promise to try and catch up. Especially to those who have had questions about health conditions and adoption/homestudy, our agency, and Cupcake. I hope you haven't given up on me.
Tom is leaving in LESS THAN SIX DAYS. We've been rushing around trying to organize for both the trip and the potential move to the new house. Today it sunk in just how much we need to do to prepare for travel, and we got our lists together. I sort of got a kick in the ass when I went to someone's site who is traveling to China in over a month, and she's already packed! OMG. I sort of envy that. I could do that, but Tom tends to be more last minute (especially with work the way it is right now) and it's too hard. Tomorrow we are going to Walgreens to buy everything on the list our adoption doctor gave us. It's a LOT of stuff. After that, we are going to my parents' (currently baby central) to pick out Cupcake's clothes, accesories, etc. We still need to wash her clothes. One thing at a time.
As far as The House Which Will Never Be Finished, no real work has been done since I last wrote. None. What that means is that there is probably no way we are going to close on the house and be moved in by the time Tom and Cupcake return. I am slowly becoming okay with the idea, even though it's been a heartbreak for me. I never imagined bringing Cupcake home to anywhere but the house, being able to spend her first few days here devoted to her. It looks as if the move won't happen until Tom gets back.
But who cares, cause Cupcake's coming home!!
Friday, June 16, 2006
Quite honestly, nothing is going on. Tom and I arre both getting excited and terrified, but we both feel really stuck at the moment. The house is once again on hold while the builder does God-knows-what, so there's nothing we *can* be doing and it's driving me nuts. I'm hesitant to get the condo ready for the baby because the house is supposedly going to be move-in-ready by the time she arrives. But as each day passes, it doesn't seem likely.
I want to get into Cupcake's room in the new house and unpack everything and NEST. I am so frustrated. It's going to be a huge challenge for me to move all of OUR stuff and unpack and make a home in the next few weeks, especially if the house takes any longer. I really really wanted it to be done and ready for Cupcake. 2 1/2 years is just too long to build a house.
I found out that I won't be traveling, and I feel really conflicted about it all. I know it's best for me and Cupcake if I stay home and stay healthy for her, but I think I will always regret not being there for her first few days. Also, I want to meet her as soon as possible!
Tom is not exactly a long-term planner. He hasn't even started to pack. He's ordered some Cool Max clothes for himself and is thinking ahead and planning, but no action. This weekend I am going to get Cupcake's things together- clothes, a few toys, etc. I also want to go and buy a few things for the orphanage that I heard they need, such as diaper rash cream.
Is there anything that you wish you brought with you when you traveled? Anything you wish you didn't? Anything that was an absolute God-send (besides the baby??) I would love some advice since I'm pretty much in charge of everything Cupcake for the trip.
I need to go buy a few diapers, just in case. Everyone keeps telling me not to pack any, but you never know. Unlike with China, Cupcake will join Tom just a few hours into his trip. The G&R ceremony is almost immediately after Tom lands. I doubt he'll have time to find diapers before that.
Blah- I feel panicked, but really stuck. I just want to be doing something to prepare for Cupcake's arrival.
Don't EVER build a house in Florida.
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
One thing that I think is causing me NOT to let this sink in is that the house still is nowhere near being ready, and I don't know if it's going to be ready by the middle of July. I mean, they have half day's work, tops- but getting anyone over to do anything is close to impossible. For some reason I can't imagine Cupcake being here without us hbeing in the house. I never thought we'd be raising a child (for even a few weeks!) in this condo.
Oh, well, my neighbors will be happy. They are all over 60 years old (I live in a city that is mainly retired people) and they have all been very vocal about their hope that the baby comes before we move so they get an "in house" granddaughter.
Still working on email- thanks for being so patient with me!
Saturday, June 3, 2006
We got THE phone call this morning- travel news.
It's later than we hoped (end of June), and we're not traveling with someone I REALLY REALLY wanted to travel with (Nicole), but it's a date and we'll take it.
I still don't know if I can go. Due to my Spina Bifida, my doctors have advised me NOT to travel. It's hard for me though- this isn't some vacation, this is a life changing event; a once-in-a-lifetime thing. My doctors are concerned about my back and hips during the plane ride. And then there's the water situation... because of the Spina Bifida, I have limited feeling in my feet. When I get a blister or something, I usually don't feel it. And if I develop a blister from walking, and then get it wet, it could get infected without me knowing. When I was in college, I developed a bone infection from the showers. I had no idea- I thought it was just a scrape. A week later I was having half my toe removed from the infection. I learned my lesson- Spina Bifida is not something to screw around with. But neither is my family.
The one thing that is making me feel better about NOT going is the fact that I'll be 100% when Cupcake gets home. That's going to be the hardest adjustment for her, and instead of Tom and I operating at 50%, Tom can crash for a few days and I can really be ready and able to help Cupcake adjust and give her absolutely all of me.
Six weeks until Cupcake gets home. Six weeks until we become a family.
Monday, May 29, 2006
My birthday was Friday- I turned 32. We didn't do anything too exciting, just did our shift at the cat shelter and then went out to dinner with my parents. To be honest, I'm not exactly full of energy at the moment. I'm a little shocked at the fact it's June. I commented to some friends that in real time, it seems like the year is flying by, but in adoption time, it feels like every day lasts for weeks. It's a little scary to realize that 95% of my thoughts and emotions of the past 6 months have been intensely focused on Cupcake and this whole process.
I can't believe we got through May. Just a few more weeks... I hope!
In the meantime, I'm working hard, getting ready to move, and scrapbooking. Anything to keep my mind off time.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Modern Adoptive Parents: Vietnam
It's a list for anyone adopting, or interested in adopting, from Vietnam. The basis for this list is to talk HONESTLY and OPENLY about the adoption experience. I guess a few of us were sick of having to be sunshine and roses around the "old timers" (those who look down on those of us new to this), who refuse to admit that anything might be wrong, frustrating, or confusing about this process.
Another purpose to the MAP list is to dicuss different umbrella situations and try to get to the bottom of what is going on with certain agencies. There is a strict "no agency" policy on the list, and all members have to "sign" a disclaimer when they join. It'd be stupid to pretend that some agencies don't have MAJOR problems, and hopefully we can help families stuck in really serious conflicts find a way to get their adoptions on the right track again.
So this is a chance to be honest, without having to face 400 people telling you to smile or not be concerned about things that *should* concern you. This mailing group is about finding solutions for challenges facing adoptive families- NOT about pimping agencies and brushing the dirt under the rug.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
We are doing an under the sea theme, based on the Pottery Barn Kids "Ocean Critters" bedding we got Grace. I secretly call the room "Rock Lobster" (the song makes me very happy), even though there are no lobsters. There is a pleasant crab, though.
Here's some photos...
The sea turtles on the wall where her crib will go.
If you click on the photos, you can see more (well, except for the one with her name... if you have a flickr account, add "gingerblue" as a friend.)
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Alrighty then...
This week has brought me the sad time of year when I must bid my favorite TV shows adieu for the summer (and wait for Big Brother to start). Lost was satisfyingly creepy. Danielle ("Forget the gap, suckas! I'm goin' to Thailand!") won ANTM. Hippies won Amazing Race (hated them in the beginning, but after Dave and Lori were eliminated, I started liking them more...). Top Chef is sitting on the TiVo, waiting to be watched.
One sort of surreal thing was that during Lost tonight, I pointed out to Tom that the next time we watched a new episode, Cupcake would be with us. That sort of changed our whole spin on the summer- I have a feeling after travel, we won't be watching Big Brother feeds on the internet and multiple broadcasts anymore. And we won't really care.
And that's perfectly okay. :)
Hey, when you all finish watching Lost, come back here and let's discuss it. Tom is being very "let's just wait for next season instead of speculating" and it drives me mad. Foot statues and violet skies and magnets and Russian men in snowy stations, oh my!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Today, while I was swimming my laps, I started thinking to myself that today is another day, and I was getting through it, and could cross it off the calendar. May will soon be over, and June migth be the month that Cupcake comes home. As I was thinking about it, I started realizing that this waiting is *so* hard, and I don't know how I am going to stand at least another month of it. She's growing up so fast, and I am missing so much. In every photo, she's like a different little girl. I miss her so much. I can't explain the feelings at all.
Anyway, when I emerged from the water to take a breath, I realized there was a rainbow *around* the sun. Sort of like the picture at the top of this post (which I did *not* take), but much more vivid. I never heard or saw anoything like that before. I just did some research and it's a natural phenomenom caused by ice crystals high in the sky and reflection (science blabber here...) but it kinda freaked me out.
I don't know how I feel about signs and messages, but whenever I am looking for something- some kind of comfirmation, some kind of inspiration, some kind of comfort- I usually find it in the sky. So to see a rainbow around the sun was a little weird. I asked, I challenged, and I got an answer. And I am going to run with it. I know that this all has to happen the way it has to happen, that there's a reason for it taking so long and for us not being with Cupcake now. I try and remind myself that the last time I felt like I didn't understand the timing of things was when I was with my previous adoption agency, waiting for a promised referral that never came. Now I realize it never came because that referral *wasn't* our Cupcake, and if it had come... well, let's just say things would be messy now. And our beautiful little baby girl we are so desperate to get to might not have been matched with us. The idea of it is unthinkable, and so I know that things happen the way they are supposed to.
So I am trying to chill out and hang in there, but it's hard. The rainbow was a reminder that there's nothing I can do about it but sit back and wait for it to work itself out, and unfold in front of me.
Friday, May 19, 2006
I'm behind on email. I haven't answered anything in about a week. Sorry about that- it's been a busy week. Involving a trip to the dentist. No cavities, thankfully- but every time I sit in that chair I brace myself for news of root canals and multiple cavities. The week before the appointment is always full of fear.
So anyway, a countdown:
One day until Cupcake turns 7 months old (wahhhhh! it's been about two months since referral.)
One week until I turn 32.
and 23 days since LID. (There's no ticker for that).
and...
Travel news can now come any time. They told us "June", and we get two weeks notice. AND in two weeks it is June. So, let's go travel approval! (pretty pretty please?)
Monday, May 15, 2006
I'm really really really curious to find out how the cats get will get along with Cupcake. Our pets are *really* important to us, so it's crucial to find some sort of balance between baby and kitties. I'm really hoping that Cupcake loves animals as much as we do. Animal rescue and doing volunteer work at the shelter is a huge part of our life, and at some point I'd like to be able to bring Cupcake over to the kitten shelter without having to worry that she will hurt the cats or they will hurt her. Plus, I don't ever want our cats to think that they are suddenly some play toy for a loud, messy, lurching miniature person.
I've gotten a lot of good advice on how to introduce the cats to the baby-for instance, if I don't travel to Vietnam, Tom is going to send me something of Cupcake's right away via postal mail so I can let the cats sniff it and get used to her smell. I also heard that it's really important to let the cats thoroughly inspect the baby when she gets home (with complete supervision). Apprently, the "sniff inspection" lets let them check Cupcake out, get bored with her, and then apprently they'll go on their merry way of ignoring her. I do know for a fact that if you try and prevent a cat from checking out something that h/she wants to, it only makes it that much more appealing to her/him. So I won't be doing the "no, stay away from the baby!" stuff. They need to co-exist.
I think I am going to try the "no touch" method with Cupcake- no touching the cats unless she is supervised and given permission. I know that sounds crazy, but I've been told that if you define the boundaries right away, sort of like teaching a baby not to poke someone in the eyeball of grab a person in the crotch, they pick up on it. I don't think it's fair if I actively encourage or ignore her when she grabs at their fur or tails or teases them. Yes, I know handfuls of fur will happen. But I'm going to try to not act like it's the Cutest Thing Ever, which I'm sure every new parent feels about absolutely EVERYTHING their child does.
I do think that Chester (the kitty featured in the photo above) will appreciate the fact that Cupcake will take naps in the afternoon. Chester is a CHAMPION napper. At around 11am, he crawls into the bed and has his turn sleeping six-eight hours (hence the unmade bed in the photo). He gets cranky if you try and wake him during this period. He never sleeps on his belly, or curled up in a ball like most normal cats - instead, he stretches out on his back, usually with his feet hanging off the side of the bed. Sometimes, he puts his paw on his belly for good measure. He's also taken over the one baby blanket we have for Cupcake, which I have been sleeping with in case I can't go to Vietnam (Tom is going to bring it with him so Grace can get used to *our* smell before she gets home). I think we might have to give Chester the blanket and get Cupcake another one. He's VERY attached. I can only hope he likes Cupcake as much. He'll either love her or be terrified of her. That's how he operates.
Delilah, our 9-year old cat, will be another story. She's very maternal and affectionate, but it takes her a while to warm up to certain people. I have a feeling she'll sort of observe at a distance, and then make a decision on whether she's going to spend time with the baby or just pretend as if she doesn't exist. I hope it's the former... Delilah's pretty much my favorite "person" in the world, and I think it would be incredibly cool if Cupcake, Delilah, and I could form a female trifecta and roam around the house together.
Girl power!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
ANYWAY, we had to get a whole new system and it finally got installed this morning after several days of misery. The last thing I could stand was having a hot laptop on my knees so I pretty much checked out these past few days. I promise to catch up tomorrow.
Going to go to bed and read my new Alexander McCall Smith "No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" novel and try and figure out what Precious Ramotswe's "tiny white van" looks like. Does it have three wheels or four? For some reason I see it as like a little golf cart thing with three wheels, only one in the front. How does such a woman of "traditional build" fit into the tiny white van? (If you have no idea what I am talking about, sorry. I'm obsessed with this series of books...)
Tuesday, May 9, 2006
On Sunday morning we got an amazing surprise- more photos of the Cupcake!
I do love the shirt she's wearing, which says "I'm Gorgeous."
Anyway, the wait is not getting easier. The photos help a whole lot, but with each new picture, I see all the tiny changes that we are missing, and how our little baby girl is becoming less of of a baby and more of a girl. Yes, I know at 6-months-and-3-weeks she's still a baby, but I miss her terribly and I can't wait to get her in my arms.
For those counting (*clearsthroat*Nicole*clearsthroat*), we are:
- two weeks post LID
- one week into May
- three weeks 'til June (June being estimated travel)
One week down, three weeks to go. That's not definite, but the magic month for me is June.
I saw some videos of the orphanage our daughters are in (taken by volunteers earlier this year) and it just made my impatience explode. However, I am more convinced than ever that the children are VERY well cared for and VERY much adored by the women and volunteers at the orphanage. All the children looked so happy, healthy, and curious, and in tune with everything. All the nannies and volunteers were being swarmed with kids constantly, little smiling faces begging for hugs and kisses and love. There was lots of playing and singing and activity. It was so amazing to watch.
Hey, I found out that half the emails I previously sent out with Cupcake's photos never made it to their intended destinations. I think the size of the email with the photos may have tripped some spam filters out there. So if you asked me for photos and I never responded, that may be why. I finally decided to put the photos up on a private web page on my server to try and solve that problem, as well as using it as a source for my family to see the latest. There are now 12 photos. If you want the URL, let me know. I'd be happy to share The Gorgeousness that is Cupcake with all who wants to see ;)
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
One really amazing thing about the orphanage that Cupcake is in is that there are a lot of people going through, both adoptive parents and volunteers. We've been able to get in touch with a few of these people and get some information on how Cupcake is doing and what her personality is like. Vietnam doesn't really give out "personality snippets" with referrals like China does; when we accepted the referral, we didn't know if Cupcake likes being held, likes to be outside, or "likes soft cakes" (that seems like a popular one for China). So to have people who have spent quality time with Cupcake tell us what she's like is SUCH a tremendous blessing. To have this access to our child right now is... well, there are no words. If we can't be there, knowing people who ARE there is the next best thing. It definitely helps with the wait to know she's doing well and is being taken care of.
So far we have heard that Cupcake is "serene", "lovely", "beautiful, chunky and healthy." My favorite information about her came this morning from a volunteer: "we all love her, she is sooo adorable. She is a very happy girl. Recently she was moved in to the toddler room because we had 3 new born babies come in and since she is one of the older babies she got moved out. She was sick last week so we gave her extra care, but she is better now and back to her normal happy self. She has started crawling pretty well which is really neat to witness." I'm so sad we are missing her first crawls, but I keep reminding myself there are a lot of other milestones we will witness. I'm just so thrilled that she is growing and doing well. That she's happy...
One day at a time, right?
In the meantime I have started Cupcake's Lifebook/Scrapbook. I started yesterday afternoon and got one page done. I'm now working on her referral photos page. It's a lot of fun, but I really hate measuring and using the paper cutter (I'm used to using "crop" in Photoshop) so that part kinda frustrates me.
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
(This is part of one of my favorite photos of Grace- I don't know why... something in her eyes or the way she's checking stuff out...)
Everyone who has been through an adoption has told me that the wait between referral and travel would be the hardest. It's both true and not true- the adoption process has gotten infinitely easier and more rewarding because we can *see* what we are working towards and visualize that little girl every day, but time has slowed to a stop.
In the last few weeks I have been doing a lot of reading about the orphanage Cupcake is in. The children are very well cared for and get lots of human love and interaction. However, every single day I think about every milestone we are missing. All the time we have to make up for. I just want to hold her and smooch on her and see her smile and hear her laugh and wrap her in soft comfy blankets and give her a wonderful life. I want to engage her, show her the world. I want to go to that orphanage and do something for every single one of those children. I feel so helpless right now- there's really nothing we can do but make donations to the orphanage and wait.
We're looking at travel in June. For most Vietnam adoptions, the longest wait is between referral and travel. Most adoption agencies are giving referrals before the dossier is submitted to Vietnam (there's a lot of child-specific paperwork that needs to be processed in the dossier), then the dossier goes in to the government, and then the clock starts ticking. We got our referral five weeks ago, so we still have another four or so weeks to wait. I am praying that maybe travel will come in May... In the meantime, I keep looking at Cupcake and hoping she's doing well, she's happy, and that someone is loving her.
"If I could open my arms,
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I'd bring it to where you are,
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson.
And if I could open my mouth,
Wide enough for a marching band to march out,
They would make your name sing,
And bend through alleys and bounce off other buildings."
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I signed up for the Secret Pal swap, and wound up getting an amazing partner. She's SO generous and kind and creative. Look what she sent this month!
Okay, it doesn't rain much (well, AT ALL) in Florida in April, but it does rain all summer. So I absolutely love everything, and I know Cupcake will, too. I can't wait to get those boots on her feet! ;)
So thank you, my dear, for getting us equipped for the summer! Hopefully Cupcake will be home soon enough to be able to get a lot of good use of her new goodies this summer!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
I am so excited to see my Cupcake, even though she looks a little sad and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. I'm trying to remind myself that they most likely woke her up and put on a beautiful little outfit to take the photos in, and that would cause anyone to be a little cranky. I mean, it usually takes me a while to get out of my pajamas.
But I am desperate to see her smile...
As always, email me so I can show you the pics!
[Shana, you are weirdly psychic!!]
We still need shoes, though. Shoes are hard- I want to get some Robeez, but I have no idea what size she is otherwise. That I might wait for.
After hitting the outlets, we went to Babys R Us and got the second batch of baby stuff. This time it was highchairs, swings, and more toys, plus I swapped out the original baby monitors for the Angel Care ones Erin told me about. The financial damage wasn't that bad this time, but I'm sure there is more to come.
Now we just need the house to be done so I can get into the nursery and start putting it all together. I think that's the hardest part- we have all this stuff, and we can't do anything with it. Soon, soon.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
*squeeeeee* Happiness!!
Friday, April 21, 2006
Thank you so much for our amazing Cupcake. She is all we can think about and talk about and we are so excited to be able to share in her life.
However, it would be so incredibly lovely if you could expedite the process of getting us her updated photos and (possibly) extra information about her. The agency most likely has all of these things, but is sorting through them for all their families. Please lend them a hand, and gently remind them that WE ARE GOING ABSOLUTELY INSANE WAITING!
Love always,
Chel
Thursday, April 20, 2006
So today one of my huge goals is to go through that file and answer those emails. I promise I was not blowing you off, I was just avoiding having to sit down and focus for more than a minute. I'm having a REALLY hard time doing that lately. I'm going to try and make up for it in the next few days.
Also, good news on the house: instead of "one month" we heard yesterday they estimate it will be three weeks until we can move in! I am very excited now. That means maybe we'll actually be able to move into the house this summer!
News from adoption agency: The facilitator took a tremendous amount of photos while he was in Vietnam of all the babies who are waiting to come home, so he's going through his photos and emailing them to families with documents and information, etc. So if he took pictures of Cupcake while he was in Vietnam, we will receive them when he gets around to downloading them. *phew*
I'm starting a Lifebook/Scrapbook for Cupcake. I have never done scrapbooking before. Can anyone give me tips on what to buy, essentials, good sites, etc.?
Monday, April 17, 2006
Next stage? More waiting. Our paperwork is in Vietnam, being processed, and all we can do is sit and wait for them to let us know when we can travel for Cupcake. They give us a two week advance warning, which is fine- we're all on high alert. Tom needs to go get his vaccines, though. I need to make a decision on travel, although it looks like if travel is in the next month or two, I will HAVE to stay home so I can move us into the house. That's not something I want to do right after Cupcake arrives and/or we just get back from Vietnam.
Oh, I wanted to thank everyone for their suggestions as far as baby stuff goes. I made a list with notes and everyones ideas, and was able to purchase most of it.
Let me tell you, this baby stuff is expensive. Babies R Us is ALL BABY MERCHANDISE, did you know that? I'm so used to stores having one or two aisles of the things I am interested in, but besides the boy's clothing, there were things of interest in every single aisle. I should have known we were in trouble when we spent a half hour debating baby monitors and bottles. The total was less than I expected when she rang it up, but more than I expected when we first walked into the store (truly believing we'd only be in the first three aisles). A big reason for the $$ is that we had to get two of a lot of things- bottles, diaper genie, baby tub for sink, pack n' play/portable crib, changing table pad, odds and ends.... my parents plan on keeping the baby once or twice a week at their place and we don't want to lug things back and forth, especially if they take her for an afternoon or whatever.
Crib, dresser, storage bench, bedding is coming via online.
We still have to get a highchair and more bottles, plus some stroller toys. I also need stuff to babyproof the house. I know there's a common belief that just leaving the bottom cabinets bare, or not putting dangerous stuff in them is more than enough, but I am not comfortable with that. I have a friend whose neighbor unknowingly put a bottle of some cleanser (with bleach) into a low cabinet and he drank it, burning his vocal chords, and having to talk in a whisper his entire life. Rather safe than sorry.
I'll be interested to see how sleeping works out. I'm planning on keeping the crib in my room for a while if she needs it. I know most of you guys are co-sleepers, but for various reasons (which are very important to both of us), Tom and I will not be co-sleeping and so we need to figure out an alternate plan depending on what the baby needs from us.
[Must.Stop.Eating.Chocolate.Graham.Crackers.]
Going to go and stare at the phone, and pick it up several times to see if it's working.
I changed the layout a bit. This was one of my first times monkeying with CSS rather than letting the software do it, so I have no idea what I messed up and what is broken, etc. Lemme know if there are any oddities- I'm on a Mac using Safari, so please let me know which browser/OS you are using and what sort of problems you might notice!
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
A few months ago, I was pretty vocal about my opinion on umbrella agencies. I truly believed that if Vietnam approved of agencies sharing their licenses, and protective measures were being taken on the Vietnam end of things, agencies sharing a license must be okay. The big argument on APV was that is WASN'T ethical for the CHILD. I still believe that as far as the children are concerned, Umbrella agencies are fine. As long as the parent agency is working with a reputable orphanage and the Vietnam government, it's ethical- for the child.
However, I'm not quite sure if I feel it's so ethical on the prospective adoptive parent side of things.
The one thing I learned from our personal experience is that you get information third or forth hand, and like the old "telephone" game, it gets garbled, or slightly changed, as it passes from person to person. This is fine for some things, but not an adoption. After a while you have no idea if you are hearing the truth or just what the agency thinks you want to hear. You start doubting EVERYTHING, and worrying if you are doing the right thing, if your child will ever come.
For us, we felt like we completely lost control of the situation - we were depending on our agency and coordinator to represent us to the parent agency and remind them that we were still out there, waiting. We were depending on the coordinator to tell us what she knew, and to get us answers to our questions in a reasonable time frame. We were depending on the coordinator to fight for us, to determine that certain situations were unacceptable and try and find a solution for us.
For us, complete dependence on someone who is depending on someone ELSE for information was too much. It wasn't something we were comfortable with. I think if you have someone that kicks a lot of ass at your agency, someone who will fight for you tooth and nail and always be in touch with information, it might work out okay.
I think at this point my position on Vietnam adoption is this- with so many agencies licensed and giving out healthy referrals, why would anyone who is ready to go forward with his/her adoption stay with an agency that is unlicensed and/or umbrella-ed? We started before any agencies were licensed, so we were hopeful our agency would be immediately licensed and everything would go as promised. And I think, ultimately, everything worked out so perfectly- if we had switched any earlier, we would not have been referred our Grace, who is my moon and stars.
But if I were starting today, or in a position where I was ready with my I171 and waiting for news, there's no way I would delay or put my faith in anyone's promises. This isn't about friendship and being loyal, and I learned that the hard way. It's about paying a professional organization to assist you in locating and adopting a child. They may have helped you with an adoption before, or seem like the nicest people you have ever met, but ultimately they are not your friends or doing you a favor- they are the people who you have contracted to help you locate and bring your child home.
Think of it this way: say you had a child who wasn't feeling well. If your normal doctor was a family friend and you found out there was another doctor a few doors down who could help your child in a more efficient, more helpful way, would you hesitate to bring your child to see that other doctor?
Certain things take precedence over patience and loyalty and I have learned that the need to find my child and bring her home is one of those things.
(Oh, and before signing with any agency, ask them how many adoptions IN VIETNAM they personally have completed. That will tell you a lot, too...)
Thursday, April 13, 2006
In hindsight, we're well beyond two years into our adoption. We started seriously planning and researching for adopting from China in 2004, but because of my age, T. and I not being married long enough, and not having the house built, we were forced to defer. Vietnam was not an option then. But we looked at agencies and talked and talked and planned and planned and hoped and hoped. So it's been a long time coming, and this certainly is something we've been talking about and anticipating for years.
According to our agency, our paperwork is now in Vietnam. We are anxiously awaiting the receipt that lets us know that someone in that government center has seen our papers and put them in a pile to be processed.
So while we wait, we shop. Well, I shop. Tom just marvels over what I am buying. I've started buying toys. My favorite so far is the Discover Sounds Kitchen by Little Tikes. I was expecting a Barbie-sized kitchen, but what arrived is this toddler-sized set of fun. For some reason, I think it resembles a DJ mixing station more than a kitchen. The two little "burners" on the stove play techno music and make different sound effects depending on which way they are slid. It's pretty cool. If Cupcake doesn't like it, I'll keep it for myself.
I've also been buying lots of 12-18 month clothes. We are hoping for an update on Cupcake's weight next week, but at SOME point she'll need 12-18 month clothes so that's what I keep telling myself to justify the shopping. I have discovered Gymboree which is incredibly dangerous. I always thought Gymboree was some Jazzercise thing for kids, so I was picturing sportswear and legwarmers and leotards, but they have very cool clothes. It's funny, because I always thought I'd dress my daughter in very comfy, unisex, natural-fibers/colors type clothing, but I can't resist the beautiful florals and dresses. I am a bit surprised by it, but as I have not yet purchased any sort of hair bow that is applied with GLUE or TAPE or white tights, I think I'm okay. I know some people love white tights on baby girls, but all I can think of is how they must be sagging down by the diaper and itching. Why subject a kid to pantyhose?!
Finally, we decided on the colors/theme of Cupcake's room. I tried to get into girly-girl, but I kept resisting it. My favorite colors are ocean colors- teal and aqua - so when I saw PBKids "Ocean Critters" stuff that was it. My mom is an artist (she studied textile design and was employed by Bloomingdales back in the early 60's before she gave it up to get married) and she is good friends with a muralist, so they are going to take elements from the sheets and stuff and paint them on the walls. Some of the octopus and starfish and turtles will have bows on their heads.
The builders keep telling us "one more month" on the house. They have been telling us that for months, so at this point I am wondering exactly what calendar they are using in that builder's office. At this point, I am itching to move in and get Cupcake's room going.
Until then, I shop. And dream. And look at Cupcake's face and hope she's okay.
Friday, April 7, 2006
We had an adoption doctor look over all her records and blood tests before we accepted the referral, and the doctor noted the high weight and told us she doubts that Cupcake weighs that much. I freaked out until the doctor told us it's a very common thing for the measurements, etc. to get mixed up during the medical exams in the orphanages. We called the agency anyway, and they said their main concern is getting teh right photo with the right birth certificate and blood tests- the rest is secondary. One other baby examined on the same day had identical measurements, so it looks like there's where the mixup happened.
So I'm trying not to freak out about the possibly wrong weight and height. I mean, Cupcake could be 4 feet tall and 200 pounds and I would be fine with it. As long as Cupcake is the little face in the photo, that's all that matters.
Regardless, I better get a REALLY sturdy sling/carrier.
Well, our dossier is complete- everything was notarized, certified, and Fed Exxed to our agency. Now we wait for the message that it arrived at the Vietnamese Government and they (hopefully) begin processing it.No new information on Cupcake. We have heard we might be able to get some news/photos from the current agency trip, but as much as I would love to see and hear more about her, it's okay if it doesn't happen. I'm still very delicately holding on to the idea of having received and accepted a referral, and this adoption is happening. I'm not ready to fully claim it- I'm too scared. Terrified, actually. It seems so fragile and unreal. I tiptoe around it, the idea of it.
But I have shown her pictures to anyone who cares to see them- I carry them with me constantly, and proudly show them off. Mention "baby", "infant", or "adoption" to me, and I whip out the photos with a big stupid grin.
I'm sort of concerned for a lot of my friends who are adopting right now- many of them are switching agencies (which I think is a really good thing, especially if it makes THEM feel better and it makes their adoption go faster) but many of them have to stay with their current agencies for one reason or another. I think a lot of the agencies haven't developed their programs as fast as they hoped, and a lot of families were able to get their papers ready FASTER than anyone expected. I constantly hope and pray that all the agencies with waiting families get licensed, and my friends' children can come home soon. I'm also hoping that the China program speeds up soon- the slow down has been horrible to watch and hear about, and I can only imagine how the DTC families are doing right now. I hope the time zips by, or things speed up.
This is heartbreaking stuff, adoption. But also a complete joy- goes from one extreme to the other.
Saturday, April 1, 2006
So I have a story to tell you.
One upon a time there was a woman and a man who were adopting a baby from Vietnam. They signed with an agency and a few months later, they decided things weren't going their way and decided to change agencies.
A few days after signing with the new agency, they were told that their new agency was "working for them" and that they would "hear back soon". They assumed this meant that their new agency was getting together all the new documents that they needed to fill out and sign. They were happy because although they were behind from having to switch agencies, they finally felt confident that they were going in the right direction. They began filling out forms and working on various things, at peace because they knew things might take a while and they finally trusted in the process. 
One night this couple was sitting down and eating Macaroni and Cheese, and the wife decided to check her email. In it was an email from the new agency with photos of The Most Beautiful Baby Girl EVER, and a note saying "here is the baby girl we talked about. Please review the photos and let me know how you feel." The wife asked her husband if he had an exchange about a specific baby with the agency. He said no, so the wife assumed the email was not meant for her and her husband, and sent it back to the agency with a note stating so. The husband called the agency and left a message stating the same thing. The husband and wife ooohed and aahed over the photos, wondering if maybe one of the children in the background was theirs, and happy that the babies looked so well cared for.
A few moments later, the phone rang. The husband answered while the wife stared at him with huge eyes.
The voice on the other end confirmed it- The email was indeed intended for them. The couple had received their much anticipated referral, and finally knew what their Cupcake looked like.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
It's a lot of waiting right now. I just REALLY want to get this (second) dossier completed and into our new agency so we can get in line for travel. Despite referral time, the travel clock starts ticking the day the dossier gets to Vietnam and is officially submitted to the government. Our agency is hoping that it will be sent in in the next two weeks. Then it gets translated when it's in Vietnam, so that should only take a few days. So hopefully second or third week of April we'll be officially. I am hoping and praying.
A list of things we need to get done, for my own mental health:
- letter of employment needs to be certified (different state)
- divorce decree needs to be certified (different state)
- local/state stuff needs to be certified here in Florida
- may have to get new health forms
- a few other documents need to be certified and faxed to agency
Okay, that wasn't a good list. ARGHHHHHHHHHH
We're paperchasing again. I hate thispart because it's all over the place- go here for a stamp, go here for a form, go there for a signature, send the forms off for more. Our former agency is gathering our dossier (which is in various stages of translation and authentication) to send back to us, but in the meantime, we're trying hard to get as much of it together and re-do what we can. DTV = travel. Referrals can come any time (*sigh*) but travel is pretty much based on the time the dossier gets to Vietnam (at least in our agency's case) so we want it THERE. YESTERDAY. YES-TER-DAY.I feel like this adoption is sort of like one of those puzzles where you have to slide the pieces around to get the picture to show up. Or a Rubick's cube. It's just a lot of moves and processes and shifts to get everything in the right place at the exact right time. I think the picture is coming together, though.
Still need to post pics from baby shower. I look like hell in every picture. I'm trying to find a few pictures where I don't look like a grinning fool. When do these things not matter anymore? I'm almost 32. You'd think this nonsense would be over by now, I'd be comfortable in my own skin. I'm getting there, but whenever I see a picture of myself I haven't prepped for, I think "yikes, looks like 10 miles of bad road."
I started doing this crazy anti-oxidant/glycolic acid regimen on my face, hoping it would eliminate the horrible goggle tan I have picked up from swimming daily, but it doesn't appear to be working. The burning searing sensation on my skin would indicate that it IS, but cameras and I still do not get along. My goal is to get the brown tan sludge/freckle/goggle lines off my face before Cupcake arrives. I don't want to scare her any more than she is likely to be. All she needs to see is a striped lady come towards her and reach out to her...
I can't stop thinking about myy Cupcake, thinking about her life in the orphanage. Who takes care of her? When she babbles and blows baby bubbles, what does it sound like? Does she have any toys? When she sneezes, does someone sayy "Bless You!", wipe her little nose and tell her to "blow"? Does she like any people there better than all the rest? What's her routine? What time does she wake up? Does she ever get up in the middle of the night and just stare at the ceiling, processing baby thoughts? Is she cold, warm, or just right? Is her crib okay? Does she have any idea what's about to happen to all of us? I hope someone there has a fondness for her, gives her a little extra love. I hope all the babies get that from the nannies. A little extra kiss and cuddle now and then.
This is a crazy week. Good crazy. I hope to have some news soon that I can share with everyone...
Goodnight!
Monday, March 27, 2006
We're now with a fully licensed agency. It seems like a whole different process. The agency is probably THE most reputable in the field of Vietnam adoption (along with one other agency) and the facilitator has been overseeing Vietnamese orphans and assisting with adoptions for years and years.
For weeks I have been walking around, mourning something. Feeling sick and sad all the time. I thought it was anxiety over the "impending referral" (which never arrived) but now I realize it was some deep knowledge that we weren't following the right path anymore, that we had gotten thrown off course and the longer we waited, the further lost we were getting. Making this decision was a huge relief, because as soon as we officially made the switch, I KNEW that we were back on track. I KNEW Cupcake is back in sight. I can feel it.
This time we asked for a baby girl under one year, instead of newborn. I keep feeling like she's going to be 8 months, either at referral or when she arrives home. I don't know why, I just feel like that's who she is. She could be older or younger. It's back to being a really exciting, giddy "what's next?" sort of experience.
The ironic thing is T. and I have seemed to have switched roles- now he's agonizing over the phone, praying for it to ring. I'm just being blissfully ignorant about it all, happy that I'm released from a promise and that time is now mine. I'm not EXPECTING anything anymore. There's no cycle of disappointment when the phone doesn't ring.
Okay, on to the details:
Here's what I now know regarding Vietnam adoptions:
- Referrals can be made before DTV, but only if the 171 is at the agency. You have to be pretty far along with your dossier in order to be eligible for referral. It's all up to the agency after that. - Referrals are made through the orphanage, the facilitator in Vietnam, and the agency. There shouldn't be any "set referral dates" or anything like that. It should be a group effort. Some agencies are going through the government, but most are not. - Referrals can happen anytime- 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years. The agency takes what age/sex you have requested, and when a match comes up at one of the orphanages, they start putting families together. So it could be any day, or it could be several months. But there won't be any "it's coming on this date!" stuff anymore. - Travel can take place 2-6 months after the referral, but more likely 4-6 months. This is a mandatory GOVERNMENT restriction, and there are no ways around it despite what agencies are claiming. - An agency has to be licensed before the formal adoption process can begin. That means Vietnam license, not province licensed.
I still have to scan the shower photos. I am desperately trying to make thank you cards. I made handmade cards with a little booklet about Vietnam inside them. I am trying to align the paper right so the booklet works. I want to get them out later today or tomorrow because a lot of the families in our building leave April 1st, when tourist/rental season begins to come to an end here in Sunny Florida.
More soon!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
My neighbors threw me a baby shower yesterday! I really thought I wasn't going to have one at all, since all my friends are so far away. I was so touched, I couldn't even cry! I still don't know how to thank them. I'm so shocked, still. Cupcake now has a FULL wardrobe, a stroller/carseat combo, a Pack N' Play, an exersaucer, and many tiny stuffed animals. I will show pictures soon.
Hope you all are well. I've missed you these past few days.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Please ring. With good adoption news.
Love,
Chel
Friday, March 17, 2006
"I would gladly kiss you Tuesday for a referral today!"
I dunno why I keep saying this to myself over and over. Bargaining. For some reason I find myself waiting for the referral akin to Wimpy asking for a burger. I am now having conversations with the phone, asking it to ring. This is not a good sign of my mental health.
I don't remember if Wimpy gets his burger or not, but a lot of the images I found had him holding one, so maybe it all works out in the end.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
And tomorrow is another day!
Monday, March 13, 2006
BCIS called (yes, we have been able to get their number and have been communicating with them via phone for a while) and let us know our 171 is on the way! Yay!
We were very worried because of Tom's name change. He changed his last name to mine when we married and when they received our application, they called us to request more information on the name change. Tom spent most of last week on the phone with them, trying to figure out if we needed to go to court or if the name change was legal. We were the first couple to go through that office with that specific situation, so they pulled our file and started working on it. They had no idea what tneeded to be done, and what was legal in that situation.
I guess they found out from the state that it WAS legal for a man to change his name when marrying (without needing to go to court) and processed our application. I guess sometimes being a little different is a good thing :) This makes the whole wait-for-referral much easier.
Well, maybe not MUCH. But the 171 is a gift, for sure. Now we'll have everything we need for the adoption, except Cupcake.
It's Monday morning.
The phone just rang. No news, but the heart started thumping. Welcome to another five days of wondering...
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I tried to find an image online of *something* we bought yesterday, but couldn't. Instead, I found several of these: outfits modeled on headless baby mannequins. I don't understand why they just couldn't make a little generic androgynous HEAD, even if it had no face. A round sphere, maybe. I mean, there are hands and feet, but no head? I dunno, that just creeped me out.
So yes, I went shopping. I couldn't wait any longer. I finally gave in and let myself buy some clothes for Cupcake. Once we were at the outlet stores, I couldn't NOT buy her things. I got a size 6-9 months because I am guessing she'll be around that age when she gets home. I know she'll be tiny, but I couldn't get myself to buy anything smaller. Not yet- after we get her referral I might. There were *so* many nice things. We got the bulk of stuff at Carter's, and if we need anything else, that's where we will be going- the rest of the stores (Osh Kosh, Children's Place, etc) had less comfortable stuff that didn't light my fire.
Half the dresses at Children's Place that I coveted online were made from a horrible scratchy material and had CRINOLINES. Gah!! They haven't eliminated those yet?? That's fine for the holidays or a wedding, but not for hanging around the house! I mean, if a baby sat on the floor with half those dresses, her head would get lost in the puffy crunchy skirt!
A lot of the stuff had little STUPID trendy sayings, like "Hot Mama" or "Hot Stuff", or the very worst "Mommy's Little PRINCESS" and "Spoiled Rotten!", etc. I really don't want my kid wearing shirts that look like something a sleazy 15 year old mallrat might wear. Are newborns supposed to get navel rings right after their stump falls off now or something? Ugh. I prefer the little pairs of sweats and t-shirts with cats and ducks and diasies on them. Sundresses. Sunsuits. Rompers. Things with silly names.
I guess I'm boring and old fashioned, but the whole princess craze really irritates me. I know that kids pick out what *they* like, but I am going to try and avoid exposing Cupcake to the Disney princesses until she gets old enough to find out about them herself. I just hate that stuff. What happened to generic whimsical drawings? Everything is all princesses and rhinestones (a onesy does not need rhinestones!!), sparkles and hot pink. I'm sure we'll have more than enough of that when she gets older- I'm going to try and keep her in the old-fashioned, non-branded baby stuff for as long as we can.
Photos of the stash to come ASAP- it's all at my parents place because we just have no room to store the clothes here.
Friday, March 10, 2006
So, anyway...
no referral.
We got more information and the delay is legit, so I can't be angry. However, I reserve the right to be grouchy. And I am definitely within my rights to be crabby. I sort of feel like Charlie Brown in his dejected phase, walking around, kicking at imaginary rocks, scuffing the toes of my shoes. I know that's incredibly dramatic and stupid, but it's been a long day, and knowing that the phone may not ring until next week isn't comfort. I've come to despise the weekends.
You know, I feel fine at night- I've sat with the emotions all day and I'm okay with it. But waking up every morning is hard because for some reason I go through the disappointment all over. I don't get that. Sleeping is supposed to make things better, not reset negative feelings.
And it's not helping that the phone has been ringing really early every day and waking us both up- we both leap out of bed, expecting the call to be The Call. We're always angry at the caller for not being the agency. Which isn't nice, but I must admit, the morons who call from The Police Advancement League (telemarketers that are unrealted to any law enforcement group in this country) deserve a little crankiness.
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
Last night we went out for some Mexican food and we had a lovely waiter who was very nice. After dinner, he handed us the bill, and then went back to the desk for another mint for me. Because, as he said, I'm "eating for two." (If he brought me two burritos, I wouldn't have minded as much...)
Um, as far as I know, I'm not pregnant (at least not in the traditional sense.) We did talk a bit about the baby over dinner, and Tom claims that the waiter most likely overheard us and made the assumption I was pregnant. But I think the combination of my big sundress and my slouchy posture made me look like I'm "with child".
Let me tell you, that did NOT boost my ego. Today I'm back in running shorts and a little t-shirt. Sundresses are ultra comfy, but I don't feel like LOOKING pregnant when I'm not. Ugh. I guess it's really time to drop those last ten pounds.
GRRRRRRR.
Well, we got in touch with the BCIS, and they needed three forms- a tax return, some sort of permission to photocopy thing (?), and a request for legal proof of Tom's name change. The first two are easy, the last one is involving a bit of research. We made it clear to the BCIS that we would go to court RIGHT NOW and get the stuff we need for that, but they've asked us to hold off so they can do research. In Florida, it's legal that a man can change his name during marriage, the same as a woman can, without going to court. So BCIS wants to figure it out with us because they think that there might be more couples in the future in a similar situation. They promised it wouldn't hold up our file, and at least the woman in charge of it all *knows* us now, and knows our name and file. At least, that's how I am trying to think of it!
In this past week I tried to catch up on "real world" stuff that I sort of abandoned when we started this adoption. I sort of thought if I walked away from the computer, the news might come. The ol' "watched pot never boils" theory. I lurked around all my favorite journals, though. I can't give *that* up! Let me just say that I'm still incredibly behind in real world stuff. But at least I got my hands dirty, and my work table is once again filled with things in progress rather than being empty and clean. I need to mail out a few orders, start seriously on my spring collection.
Today was supposed to be referral day. We've had a few of these in the last month, but they were mostly hinted at. This is the first definite date that our agency told us to circle on our calendar. Apparently there is a staff member that returned from Vietnam on Sunday with not only updated photos and health files for the families who have already received a referral, but new referrals for some of the other families. We're in the latter group.
Unfortunately, it looks like the staff member still has not returned, so it will be a few more days. I am completely and utterly raw inside from this. Yesterday was the worst day so far- I vacillated between wanting to cry and wanting to vomit all day. For the first time, I dreamed of adoption all night. I guess it's sort of a relief to know it's not coming today instead of hoping all day, but still... I wish I could just turn it off for a few days. Because I know people will ask today, and I just don't feel like saying "not yet. Maybe later."
I feel horrible writing this, though. I know some of you have been waiting a VERY long time for your own referral, so four months is cake. When I say that I honestly wish that you guys could get your referral, or finally travel to bring home the child you have been matched with, I mean it.
This waiting business is completely sucktastic. But I have the very best people with me in this waiting room ;)
Thursday, March 2, 2006
This either has to do wiith my husband changing his last name to mine or the fact that all our documents have the address of the new house on it and the FRICKIN' BUILDERS STIL HAVEN'T FINISHED. We were absolutely, 100%, no doubt, CONTRACTUALLY supposed to be in by January 1st. It is now March 2nd. They haven't done a SINGLE THING on the house in two weeks.
To say I am furious is an understatement. The interest on our homebuilding loan shot up as soon as we passed the one year mark. We're going to have to reschedule all our furniture deliveries, which won't be easy. And now this may be affecting our adoption.
I really couldn't care less about anything else, but if it delays the arrival of Cupcake, I will be crushed.
First and foremost- nothing new. My agency is back in full swing after the retreat they went on, and they are working towards traveling to Vietnam in the middle of this month. I am hoping that when they are in Vietnam, they'll finally bring home their license so we can get on the Embassy website.I've spent the last few days working on some stuff for the animal shelter I work with. We recently became our own non-profit (we were a sister group for another animal rescue org) and so there's a ton of work and advocacy and fundraising that needs to be done. I'm very excited about it- I love love love my work at the shelter. It'll be wonderful if we can do more for the animals we rescue, maybe expand to taking in cats that people surrender. Right now we only have resources for abandoned/stray cats and kittens- we currently don't have an open door policy for people to come in and give up their cats. I have MAJOR issues with the idea of people giving up their animals, ESPECIALLY after a child comes into the family, but I'll avoid getting into that for now. I would love to be able to do something for those poor animals, since I believe that they are just as deserving as a good home as the kittens we work with.
IThat's all for now. Today I have OFF so I am very excited to read my email and catch up on stuff around here. I am soooo behind on everything. I am so bad at time management, and I am truly terrified about what I'm going to do when Cupcake arrives. My priority will be her, but I hope when she's asleep or with Tom or my parents, I use that time to do things I love, instead of schlumping on the couch, which seems all I am capable of as of late.
Monday, February 27, 2006
No news.
Well, my agency is back from vacation and they've told us to keep our pants on, that things might happen next week. (The keeping pants on was my remark, not my agency's...) Next Tuesday will mark one month since we've been told our referral might be in the works. So on we go. All our documents are officially gone- our dossier is at the agency and our I600 has been in Miami for over a week.
Today is a Monday. Mondays are both really exciting and really horrible now that we're adopting. Exciting because as of Sunday night, our time, Vietnam is back to work, and maybe the fine folks who are involved in the adoption process over there might be looking at our file, putting together information, and faxing/emailing it to our agency. I'm assuming no one is in the office at 10pm Sunday night to receive the file, so on Monday morning, I get a little hopeful that the phone might ring. I start starting at it around 7am, hopeful. As the hours go by, I get a little angry with it.
By noon, I pretty much know it's not going to because if our agency had information, we would have heard by now. And the offices in Vietnam are closed for the day. I wish everyone well, walk away from the phone, and wait for Tuesday morning.
For some reason I feel like things might happen on a Monday. That seems like a really good referral day. I don't know how the referrals come- via email or snail mail. I think we'll get a call, then maybe an email, and then a larger packet will get snail mailed. Our agency is only an hour away, so I'm sure we'll jump in the car and drive up for anything they have for us.
Friday afternoons are the worst- by 4pm you know there's at least 48 hours until you can start hoping and waiting again.
Normally I despise the phone, and run in the other direction when it rings. But lately, I've been running to the phone. I still run away when the agency's number isn't on the caller ID, though.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
So I'm back in "adoption zen" mode. After having an incredibly emotional day yesterday, in which I argued with both my husband and my mom, I sat in bed last night and tried to figure out what the heck was going on with me and why I was so upset. I realized just how much I was counting on a referral this week (whether it was realistic or not- mostly NOT), and I decided I needed to really cool it. I'm basing EVERYTHING on hearing news, and that's wrong. I can't give my entire life to this process- it's not asking that of me, and I'm just investing all my emotion, my ability to think and feel and just exist, in whether or not the phone rings. That's just stupid because there's plenty going on right now that I can spend time thinking about and working on. There's no reason to just drown in anxiety and anticipation when this is not a "yes or no" thing anymore. It's now a "when" thing. And that's just not worth getting myself into a heartbroken tizzy over. I'm getting myself all worked up for very little reason. There's going to be a lot more emotional rollarcoaster-ing in the coming months (especially when Tom travels to Vietnam to get Cupcake!) and I need to sort of try and keep it together until then.
I'm back to hoping the referral comes after we are done with the paperwork and after we get our C.O. for the house. Why? Because if I see Cupcake's picture now, I won't be able to wait. I will *have* to wait, but I think I might go absolutely bonkers. Right now I am calmly hoping it comes much closer to travel, and that she doesn't have to spend months and months in the orphanage as we wait for travel approval and for the 171.
So back to day by day. The last time I said this, the phone rang with news that a referral might be on the way. I'm glad my agency is out this week- at least I know if that phone does ring, it won't be news of Cupcake.
*hugs* to everyone- I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to be going through this with. I now understand how the adoption process brings so many people together. I'm blessed to have all of you in my life.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Well, actually, there is plenty to do. I just can't keep my mind on any of it.
Our agency (who is run by a family) went on a well deserved vacation this week. I guess things are going to start picking up next week (I HOPE!!) and they decided to get away before things got busy. I'm delighted for Lori, and hope she and her family have a great time relaxing and getting away from all of our neediness. She deserves it- she's a saint. I hope she's going to a spa or something blissful.
HOWEVER, I must admit that I emitted a long, mournful wail when I read the email. Like an emu lost in the forest (do emus make noise or get lost in forests?) A one week vacation means no referrals are expected. If referrals arrive unexpectedly, no one will be there to distribute them. Our Santa Claus of adoption has gone to the North Pole, and there are no gifts under the tree for any of us while she's away.
Hopefully next Monday morning will bring much joy.
In the meantime, I am using all my Adoption Process Energy to focus on my friends who are awaiting license announcements, referrals, everything. May you have a wonderful week full of the most amazing surprises.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
There's no news on the referral front- most likely we have a while left to wait. That's fine- what's meant to be is meant to be.
So, I am making shopping plans in the meantime. See, I am pretty reserved with stuff for me- I spend most of my money on art supplies and stuff for the house. I'm a sundress kind of girl- it gets too hot to do much more down here.
For Cupcake, however, I can already feel that there's going be a challenge in restraining myself from buying ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. I am very grateful that clothes come in "jumble sizes" (3-6 months, etc.) so I am not tempted to buy every single outfit I love in every single size. And all the shoes... Shoes shoes shoes. I used to say that I wouldn't ever put a baby in anything but one-sies and overalls and comfy stuff, but I am already eyeing bows for hair and dresses and little socks (Tom don't panic, I won't get any bows that need to be glued onto our daughter's head. Just the ones that clip. And headbands.) I think my mother will be very pleased. But no white tights- I remember scratchy white tights from when I was a baby and I'm not going to subject Grace to that. Plus, it's Florida.
We have an incredibly huge outlet center an hour north, and that's where I will be headed. I scanned the VERY LONG list of stores. I've never heard of half of those, actually. Of course, I zero in on the usuals - Crabtree and Evelyn, Polo, anything with the word "chocolate" in it...
So where did you get YOUR baby clothes from? From what I have seen, both in previews and on the babies, there are some sharp dressers in the bunch. So fess up. Cupcake needs to keep up with all the cool kids!
Oh, and are there only 20 songs that Olympic skaters use? I'd love to see them skate to something a little less Easy Listening Favorites.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
*relax* *deep breath*
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
See, here in Florida, there are palm trees EVERYWHERE. I don't like palm trees all that much. I miss real trees, with real leaves that come out of real branches and all flutter in the breeze. Trees you can hang a swing from, trees you can climb without needing a big spike coming out of the front of your shoes. I also don't like tropical green bushes with tiny red and yellow leaves that PRETEND to be flowers. I like gardenias and flowers that smell. Pretty and colorful and lush and REAL.
Finally, there was the rock issue. See my parents, born and bred in NY (Astoria to Lawn Guyland) have a thing about rocks instead of grass. If you have rocks on your lawn and around your backyard instead of grass, there's no mowing. Spice it up with some bushes that need no trimming. Flowers are no good because they die and their dead petals must be swept up.
Do you know what it was like to try and have a little girl picnic on ROCKS? When it snowed, I had a hell of time trying to sled down the ROCK lawn. My snowballs had the potential to kill someone because ROCKS were mixed in. If you were playing around on the "lawn" and fell, instead of a green grass stain on your knees, you'd get a gash that required a trip to the emergency room.
Needless to say, I want grass. Flowers. No pointy manicured hedges. NO ROCKS, no gravel. And no tropical. Old fashioned plants and grass and trees. Maybe some old fashioned birds (not the tropical scary kind we have down here that carry off cats) will come and visit.
The other issue is the damn septic tank- it's under our front yard and the new regulations do not allow them to be buried. So our front lawn is kinda scary- it goes straight to the street and then drops off two feet to the sidewalk, no slope. It looks like a big stage from the street. Every time I think of it I see Cupcake toddling and toddling and then dropping right off the edge. So we need to do something, maybe some sort of hedge-y thing or something. Something that prevents a child from wanting to barrel through it.
So landscaping must be worked on further. Takes my mind off SHOPPING!
Monday, February 13, 2006
Reason number 73729090qqqqqqqqqqqqI why we need to move out of this condo AS SOON AS POSSIBLE:
This horrible sound was what woke us up this morning. Nothing like a drill/jackhammer in cement to start your day off in optimism and good cheer. The building's roof was severly damaged in hurricane Wilma, and they are finally getting around to replacing it. Of course, the work starts just before we move out, meaning we have to pay the assessment. Oh well.
I leave you with a picture of another of our "children"- this is Jack, one of our leopard geckos. Click on the photos for full size images. Our awesome exotic vet (we also have two parrots) gave Jack and his girlfriend, Janet, to us for my birthday a few years ago. They are around 10-11 years old, and don't do much but sleep and look for food, but I am entertained by them. By the way, geckos should NOT have pot bellies.
Yes, we like animals.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
One thing I am starting to have a teensy problem with is not shopping for Cupcake. I promised myself from day one that I wouldn't get a thing for her until I saw her photo and found out her age. So no goodies until referral.
Avoiding nursery stuff is easy- we're not in the house, and we have no place to put any furniture or bedding, etc. But the other stuff- dresses, shoes, stuffed animals, toys. It changes every week- this week it's dresses. I want to buy dresses for Cupcake.
Nope, not gonna do it.
The one good thing about living in Retirement Land, Florida, is that we are in the midst of many huge outlets centers. So the minute that photo comes, and I find out what size she'll be...
release the hounds!!
Wednesday, February 8, 2006
When we started this process in December, and made the very big decision *not* to go with China (which we had planned and researched and had our hearts set on), but to go with Vietnam (which was new and somewhat unknown but very very appealing- it seemed "meant to be..."), m