Tuesday, April 29, 2008
We're here, amazed spring is almost over.
Gracie, who is now 2 and a half, started a toddler program at a local learning center. As a result, our family is cycling through many, many, many colds and viruses as our immune systems catch up to speed.
There's a detailed update of Miss Gracie on my LiveJournal.
I'm working hard on jewelry- new spring and summer collections.
I haven't painted or collaged or scrapbooked in ages. I really want to get back to those things. I miss them so much. I'm still just trying to figure out how to find balance between being a mom and being an artist.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Along with an excellent sealife puzzle, and a very cool Sit N' Spin, our friends Rob and Lucy sent Gracie some EXCELLENT Melissa & Doug blocks for her birthday.
I have to tell you- Melissa and Doug toys rock. I am just so impressed with their toys- they are so well made. Not cheap plastic crap, but REAL things.
Gracie's "bloksh" (as she calls them) are really well-made, sturdy, and large. They are like the ones we all had as kids- the heavy, smooth wood ones. I really didn't believe they existed anymore. Tom and I got her a few set of blocks but they were all crappy- either microscopic, or rough around the edges, or hollow.
Gracie also has the Melissa and Doug musical instrument set (thanks, Lisa!) That's another amazing toy- the instruments are *real*. No plastic crap anywhere. Everything is wood and metal. They are just so sturdy, smooth, and awesome sounding.
I have to admit that these are the kinds of toys that I *still* enjoy playing with. It's a ton of fun to build complex structures alongside Gracie, and to do a little marching band action with the instruments. I always wanted a *real* triangle and Xylophone, the kind we used in music class in school. And now I have one. They are Gracie's of course, but... let's just say it's not a chore to play with these things!
Here's some photos of Gracie right after she opened her blocks- the ribbon around her head is from the Amazon packaging :)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
- Elizabeth Stone
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Gracie's two.
TWO.
Before I became a mom, two seemed like "still baby". But when I look back at photos from a year ago (see photo below), and see how much Gracie's grown, I am startled. In front of me is NOT a baby, but a little, tiny girl. A child. Someone with her own ideas, her own spirit, her own likes and dislikes, her own attitude, her own plans, and her own SELF.
Gracie is still pretty small- only about 25 pounds. We think she's a big girl, but when I saw this photo of her and Tom at the town Halloween party, I realized how tiny she is. She's still in 18 month clothes, but she's starting to grow out of them. Her feet are a solid size 5.
There's so many things she loves and is interested in: her tools and workbench, her medical kit (she likes to give people "shops" and then pretend to make it better), her tutu and princess shoes, her nightgown with the fairies on it, dressing up and looking in the mirror,taking baths, Handy Manny, The Price is Right, The Wiggles, swimming, being outside, the cats (especially Ginger, or "Shee Sher" as she calls him), answering the door, helping out around the house, coloring, and hanging out in her little house and pretending to cook elaborate meals.
Things Gracie mainly dislikes are not being able to participate in an activity or being restricted from an area where one of us are. For instance, she's not allowed in the garage. And it breaks her heart that when her Daddy is in there, she can't be in there, too. Same with my studio. My solution to that situation was to take all the HUGE beads I have made in the past and done nothing with, put them in several clear boxes, and let her use them while I am in there. So she gets to bead, too. She'll come in when I am working, point and ask for "bees" and then sit down and work on organizing them for quite a while. She takes it very seriously.
Gracie's language is finally coming along. She's learning words and phrases like there is no tomorrow. She has troubles with her "R" sounds, but she works around it. It's awesome to communicate with her in a real sense instead of signing and pantomiming things.
Her appetite is so-so. She's not fond of most foods. Her favorites are chicken nuggets, graham crackers, pasta, and chocolate soy milk. She's also had various international foods that she loves- Indian, Greek, Vietnamese, etc. We try to give her a huge variety of foods, but with the certain favorites, we just buy the healthiest we can find.
Gracie's allergies and asthma has really developed in the last year. She's now had two attacks after eating foods that had hidden allergy-triggering ingredients in them. Last night was her second attack, and we were able to treat her at home using the nebulizer. A few hours after eating something she's allergic to, she'll start breathing as if she's congested. The first time it happened, it was so severe that we had to rush her to the hospital. This time, we caught it right away and gave her Albuterol.
She still swims almost every day. She loves to run and jump and play ball. Her latest challenge is learning to jump with both feet in the air.
She's still a late riser and is quiet in the mornings. She LOVES animals, especially the cats. because of her allergies, she can't spend a lot of time at the cat shelter Tom and I volunteer at, but she goes every so often and is in heaven.
She's a great singer and dancer and loves to make up songs. She loves to talk on the phone. When she meets someone, she is quiet for a long time, but when she gets to know you, you'll never heard the end of her long, detailed stories. Last night we had a potluck, and she actually shook each guests hand when they came through the door. Then stayed quiet for a long time, hanging back, watching everyone. It wasn't until the end of the night that she came out of her shell.
Overall, we are amazed that this little PERSON is with us. I don't know if this is the case with most moms, but I am still in awe of her, every day. It still feels like most days are special occasions. I can't explain it... I'm not one of those moms who say that they came alive with their children, but Gracie has definitely added a vibrancy to our life. Everything is a little clearer, and more bright and colorful.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Tonight we had pasta for dinner, with tomato sauce. When Gracie is done eating, sometimes she sort of messes with her food until we can get her down from the highchair. Usually she just separates it into piles or moves it into another section of her plate. I guess tonight her nose was itching, and she rubbed her hand (which had tomato sauce on it) across her face to scratch the itch.
I guess the sauce got in her nose and stung a little, so she started to blow air out of her nose- hard. Before we could get to her and wipe the sauce away from her nose, she exhaled and...
a six inch piece of fettucine just flew out of her tiny nose!I knew milk and liquids could be ejected from the nose- she's even managed to get soap in her nose during baths and blow a ton of bubbles (which fascinated her to no end...)- but not large noodles. Wow!
It must have hurt- the noodle was wide and tomato sauce is acidic and spicy. But she laughed and laughed. Wow.
I guess her sinuses are going to be clear for a while.
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"As free human beings we can use our unique intelligence to try to understand ourselves and our world. But if we are prevented from using our creative potential, we are deprived of one of the basic characteristics of a human being."
---His Holiness the Dalai Lama
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I did a little more re-org in the studio today, but I think I finally got to where I need to be. I got most of the crap off my workspace, which is really important to me. I get easily distracted, and since I tend to really spread out when I work, I need all the space I can get. So I finally started to stash things away. I always resisted that because "out of sight, out of mind..." but sometimes you just have to store things away.
After I cleaned and organized, I made a bunch of necklaces and bracelets. I'm getting into the jewelry making groove, which is good, especially with the holidays coming up and the thousands of beads I have made in the last year waiting around in clear storage boxes.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Long time, no real update. A few people have written and asked for a Gracie update, so I figured I'd write one while Tom is monkeying with our new TiVo.
Anyway- Gracie.
She's now 21 months old and quite a little pipsqueak. She's FINALLY starting to speak English. She only knows a few words, like "mama", "daddy", "'nana" (for banana), "dog", "Wablo" (Pablo on Backyardigans), etc. But it's coming. So I am thrilled. She's also starting to answer in the affirmative- if we ask her a question, instead of "no" as every answer no matter what, sometimes she'll give us a yes.
Her swimming continues to amaze us. I have more video we took with the actual video camera. Now she's at the point where if we drop her anywhere in the pool (the big 55 foot one), she will navigate to the steps and get out. She's starting to learn how to tread water and pop up for air as she is swimming. We're still working on that. But she's starting to naturally do the breast stroke as she swims. I seriously think she's got some talent for this, and I don't know what to do about nurturing this knack she has for swimming. The swim team doesn't start until age 6, and "real" lessons don't start until kids are 4. They do basic lessons for 4 years and under, but it's showing kids how to keep their mouths closed underwater and blow bubbles and she's beyond that. When she swims, she gets speedy. Today we both swam a few laps next to one another, and she was keeping up with no problem. THAT was shocking.
I don't think she's ready for a team of any sort, but I want to keep her going in the right direction. She LOVES the water, loves to learn, loves to swim. She does not like to fool around much, and hates any sort of float or flotation device. She just likes to swim and glide around. I always hoped I would find someone who loved water as much as I do, and who understood how free and alive it makes me feel. I'm so amazed that someone is Gracie!
The terrible twos are approaching. For a while she did the whole "scream and cry" when she didn't get her way, but we either ignored her or would get up and walk away from her when she did it, so she stopped. She has little fits and moments of "this SUCKS!" but she gets over them quickly. She's getting too big for the high chair (and sometimes refuses to eat if she's in it), so we bought her a table and chairs so she can have her meals at it. Right now she's going through the food/drink as art stage. If we give her a bowl of food or a drink, most of the time she will sit at her little table and eat it, but sometimes she will use the food and drink as a paint and sneak off and smear it around.
Yesterday, out of nowhere, she handed Tom this tissue that was caked with thick, orange sludge. We looked all over for the source of whatever was on it, but couldn't find a thing. Last night as I was walking into the kitchen and the overhead lights were on, I noticed some smudges on the floor. Turns out she mixed her milk with some ground up Goldfish crackers, made a paste, "painted" with it on the floor, and then went and got a few tissues and cleaned it up. The only thing she left was a little residue. Kinda funny she cleaned it up (we found more orange tissues in the garbage) but we better watch out for that stuff.
She's actually big into cleaning up and putting things away. She loves to help us clear the table, and put things in and out of the dishwasher. When she's done eating or drinking, she HAS to get ride of whatever is left of her meal/snack immediately. She either throws it in the trash (plate/cup included!) or puts it somewhere where she doesn't need to see it.
Her favorite hobby now is drawing. We made the mistake of giving her free reign over a bucket of crayons. WOOPS. Not only did it frustrate her, she also snuck them out of the art studio (where she's supposed to be when she draws- i set up a little table and paper and coloring books and stuff for her so she can "work" when I work) and we are finding crayon on everything from the calculator to the cat beds. She doesn't draw on the walls or anything REALLY bad, but small things. But none of it is good, so we now only have three crayons and we can easily keep track of them.
A weird quirk of hers is drawing all over a paper until it's covered. When I was a kid, I remember wanting fresh paper all the time, but she really likes using the same paper until there is no more white.
Oh, and when she "works" (drawing and coloring) in the studio when I am in there, she wears glasses. Usually a pair of her sunglasses, and upside down, but I finally figured last week she is imitating me.
More soon, bed time!
There's lots of new photos at Flickr. bye for now.
Monday, July 2, 2007
I haven't moved the blog yet, so don't worry about a password or anything. I promise to let you all know when it goes live!
Here's a movie of Gracie swimming this weekend. When we had the house built, we got the regular pool package, which included a pool and hot tub. I had a lap lane added to the pool (55 feet) because I swim two miles a day, and we decided to get an environmentally friendly heating system (geothermal). Because of this, the hot tub only gets hot when we turn it on- all other times it stays the same temperature as the pool. So, we decided to turn the hot tub into a little mini pool for Gracie.
Without further delay, Gracie swimming in her mini pool (the video looks better if you hit "menu" and it gets a little smaller)...
Oh, and to answer questions... she did have a teacher- me! Since April, she's been swimming daily with me after I am done with my laps. She's in the pool 20 minutes to an hour daily. She sings and talks underwater, but doesn't swallow or breathe it in.
I need to get footage of her in the regular pool- she can really swim a huge distance. Next is working on her coming up for air while she's swimming instead of when she gets to where she is going.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
We are okay. Monday was Gracie's readoption- she became an official member of the family (although that happened for us before we even saw her photo, she's been a member of our family forever...) in the eys of Florida. For those that wrote and asked, because I didn't travel to Vietnam and take part in the adoption ceremony there, Tom and I had to re-adopt Gracie here in Florida. Photos to come.
I'm going to be merging this blog onto my main page of my site soon- http://gingerblue.com, as well as merging in my other blogs. Everything is everything- I'm starting to realize that there are no longer seperate compartments for things in my life. Gracie is part of me, I am creating new things, I'm inspired by so much lately (both creatively and emotinally), therefore I'm always thinking and praying about everything, loving my family, and it leads back to Grace. It's all a big circle, instead of a map with distinct points. So there's no need for me to have different online spaces anymore.
Keep your eyes on http://gingerblue.com. In the next few weeks it will be more of a journal, with bits and pieces spread over the rest of the site. When Gracie's picture changes into a blog/journal/collage/who-knows-what, you'll know it's finally live.
*love you all*
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
We FINALLY got a date for our re-adoption. It's in late June. Yay! I have been so envious of all the families that traveled after us that have been showing off their ceremony photos. I couldn't believe how quickly they all got their post-placement paperwork done. I guess it's a state-to-state thing.
I can't wait until we formally adopt Gracie. It's especially important for me since I didn't go to Vietnam.
Of course, they spelled my LAST NAME wrong on the documents they sent to us with our court date. Tom and I have the same last name, so... We called the court and the girl was REALLY apologetic and just kept saying how terribly sorry she was for the typo, that she knew how alarmed we must be.
I wasn't too upset, actually. After dealing with the paper-chase, you get used to these things. Of course, it's easier now that Gracie is home.
But, if we are going to go through another paper-chase for our next adoption fairly soon... I need to get ready for these sorts of things all over again. And that's all I will say about that for now.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
We're just chugging along here. Gracie is still not really speaking, at least in English. However, she's constantly talking, responding, and asking questions. I try my best to understand what she wants and "says" and we communicate well most of the time. I have never really done baby talk with her- instead, I've always just sort of conversed her, and paused at the point where she would respond if she could, and then continued to talk. Now she fills in the "responses" with her own language, but it's sort of a fun thing.
Gracie and I had our FIRST adventure together last Tuesday. I had a Michael's gift card, so I took a deep breath, got us all packed up, and off we went.
It was a great time. I was able to get her out of her car seat without much trouble (although I got grease all over my butt because I leaned on the tire when I was taking her out of the car), into her little folding stroller, and into the store. I didn't use a cart, and used the little bag on the back of the stroller.
She was very well behaved and sang and said hello to everyone. We only stayed a while because the store is still torn apart, but $20 and 20 minutes later, we went back out to the car and headed home.
I still haven't tried getting her in a shopping cart, or going to a big store, but I got her harness today and she's okay with it. She gets surprised when it stops her from going somewhere, but then she just sort of shrugs and goes in another direction.
I think I'm going to take her to the museum next week. That should be .. uh, interesting. I have no idea what she'll think of it, or if she'll be able to tolerate it. I would love it if we could take go together often, though.
Here's some recent photos. Easter and playing with Gracie's new bubble machine. There's more here.
I may not make anyone think, but hey, I got cute kid photos, right? ;)
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
I have a confession to make.
I have never taken Gracie ANYWHERE. What I mean by that is that I have never gotten her in the car and taken her anywhere on my own, without someone with her. Not one single time. I do not take her anywhere unless someone else is with us. I feel so terrible about this, and so resentful of my health when it comes to this situation. I can't take her anywhere with me- to the park, to a playgroup, to the supermarket, to the library, etc. Someone has to be there.
Why?
I am terrified to, scared for her safety. I can't pick her up or carry her, so how does one go somewhere with a baby when you can't hold her or pick her up and carry her? And no, a sling is no longer an option.
Here's the dilemma: Say I wanted to go to Target. What could I do? First step is parking the car. There's no way I would let her walk across the parking lot with me after I parked. I couldn't carry her across the lot to the store. I would never leave her in the car ALONE while I went and got a cart. I couldn't exactly find a cart and hook it to my car and tow it to a disabled parking space. I could park near an abandoned cart, but all the local shops have the cart mafia who lurk around and collect the carts as soon as you abandon them. And there are no spots way down at the end by clusters of carts like they have in other cities. I've actually tried driving around waiting to claim a cart/space combo when shopping, just to see if it could be done, and it's impossible.
So what could I do? The only thing I come up with is bringing her foldable umbrella stroller and putting her in it at the car and wheeling her into the store. But the umbrella stroller is really flimsy and doesn't fold easily, will take up a ton of room in the cart, and walking while leaning on it (I use a cane) makes me nervous. I'm fine with a shopping cart, but how do I get both of us TO one without putting her down and risking her running off or turning away from her to fold the stroller?
I am seriously thinking of getting a harness for her. I KNOW it's terrible, and I've always laughed at people who felt the need to leash their children. But I can't keep up with her. I can't take her outside with me, I can't pick her up when she decides to have a tantrum and sit on the floor... Ideally *I* would wear the damn harness and let her hold the end, but it doesn't work that way.
I'm thinking with a harness I can have alittle more control and piece of mind in situations where she could run off. Maybe I could take her places and bring the stroller, and just use the harness in those moments when I am getting her out of the stroller and into the cart. That way if her feet touch ground for a second, or I need to put her down to do something, I have a "grip" on her. We can also go into the front yard during the day without me worrying about her running off or *shudder* down into the street. I know it's not a substitute for parenting or awareness, and I don't mean for it to be. But I need a hand, and I'm tired of needing someone to COME WITH US in order for us to go anywhere. I want to take her to the library for story time and out to Target with me. I want to feel confident and not sit here, literally mapping the trip and aspects of the car-to-cart handoff on a piece of paper in serious, minute detail.
I hate how my health might affect her, how it already has.
Here's the harness I am considering- it looks like a kid's backpack, just with a strap that the parent holds at the bottom of it. It seems much more respectable and dignified for Gracie than those horrible ones that look like little straight jackets. I feel like posting a big sign on it explaining that it's not her behavior that warrants a harness, but mine!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Every time I get a few minutes to update my journals, rather a few minutes TO MYSELF, the last thing I want to do is get online and talk about things. Since I spend all day with Grace (Tom takes over at 4:30pm), I immediately dive into work as soon as she goes up to his office with him. I get about two hours every evening, plus weekends, and so I spend that time working on jewelry or whatever needs to be done. I surf around online a little every morning (I get up at 6am so I can swim and get stuff like laundry done before she's up) but I'm still too tired to actually do anything but click around and read stuff here and there.
(These are photos from Gracie's first real haircut. After my mom trimming her hair [badly] every so often, I decided we needed to stop messing around and get Gracie a real, honest-to-goodness hairstyle. She was very unsure of the process at first, but once she realized she could see herself in the mirror, she was ENTHRALLED.)
Grace, closing in on 18 months, is now at the point where if I try to sneak off and do ANYTHING without her input or participation, will quietly get herself into a mess of trouble within seconds. If I get online to read the news, within seconds she's emptied a kitchen drawer (or the dishwasher) or turned over the garbage. If she doesn't do that, she chases after the cats, scaring the shit out of them (which she knows I hate and will get her my attention). If she doesn't do that, she just comes up to my knees and either looks super cute or whines until I stop looking at the computer and get back to spending time with her.
It's not terrible, though. She and I just hang out a lot and have fun together every day. It was really hard for me to focus 100% on her when she was younger and less interactive. But now I'm used to it, and I feel less "guilty" about spending an hour crashed on the couch with her, watching Sesame Street, or hanging out with her for half hour on the floor while we stack things up. When she first came, I couldn't help but think "in this hour, I could have done ____, _____, and _____." Although I knew it was very important bonding time, after being on my own for so long and having a strong "productive time" ethic, it didn't feel right. Now I just enjoy the moment, enjoy interacting with her.
This month, she'll turn 1 and a half. 18 months. She's been here almost 9 months. It's hard to believe it. I LOVE her right now, this stage. She's still really cute and little, but she's turning into a PERSON. Time with her is less about trying to get her to react to things and more about us interacting. In a lot of ways, it's harder, since she's got a strong will and has strong ideas about what she wants to be doing, but I really like being able to communicate with her.
She's not talking in words yet, which does have me concerned with all the talk lately about Autism. She says a few things- papa (for grandpa), nana (for grandma), dah-dee (for daddy), honey (for whomever she's happy with at the moment- my dad taughter her that), uh-dah ("all done", with the accompanying sign). She has a lot of phrases and terms that she says over and over that MIGHT be words, but we can't make them out. She says something that sounds like "Oh, wow, wow, WOW!" when she gets excited. She says "hi" and "bye bye" with a sound at the end that changes depending on who she's addressing. But there's is no strong sense of language yet. She signs for a lot of things, which is good, and her voice does rise when she asks a question. She's just not in any sort of rush to talk in ENGLISH. I don't care, either, but I keep reading articles in all the parenting magazines and health magazines about autism and warning signs. Autism seems to be the health predicament of the moment, and it's a little scary.
She's doing a lot of cool phsyical things- eating with a fork or spoon, walking around on her toes, dancing around, singing along to songs she knows, signing "I Love You". She gives hugs and kisses without being asked. She "reads" me books- she brings them to me, opens to a random page, follows the words with her finger, and "reads" out loud. It can go on for up to half hour sometimes, which is interesting. (Especially when you have to pee!) She's just CUTE. And funny.
Out of nowhere, she's turning into a girly girl. She carries several "purses" around on her arm (toy purses or small shopping bags), and wears a plastic ring around her wrist as a bracelet ALL THE TIME. She loves dresses and sunglasses and shoes and LOVES looking at herself in mirrors. I have NO idea where this all came from- I live in my shorts and t-shirts and studio/painting clothes (men's pajam bottoms and t-shirts), I don't wear jewelry, and I hate shoes and looking in the mirror. I have a sneaking suspicion it's from spending time with my mom.
The bath tub is my saving grace (no pun intended). When she gets to be too much, or is being a total grump, she takes a bath. She has a BALL, and I get about half an hour to rest and not worry about where she is and if she's happy. I sit on the edge of the tub and blow bubbles or daydream.
She still naps twice a day and sleeps through the night, thankfully. Besides the bath, her first nap of the day is a break for me- I get to have lunch and just rest for a bit.
She's finally out of her picky eating stage. We discovered she could eat with a fork and spoon (we use plastic displosables- the adult ones are too pointy and big, the kid ones don't pick up enough, so the plastic ones you throw out are just right) and as soon as we entrusted her to eating her own food, she started eating like a HORSE. I'm so relieved. I'm Italian, and we Italian people get very nervous when people don't eat!
Her allergies are still an issue (she has a constant sneeze), but we are trying our best to keep the things she is allergic to under control. The pediatrician said that she can't really be treated for allergies until she turns two, so I am researching natural and homeopathic options. I found BioAllers and ordered two formulas, but am nervous to start treatment. Tom thinks it's a load of crap, but I read a lot of interesting things about it and if it will help her, I am willing to try it. If you have any info on toddler allergy treatment, I'd love to hear it.
So sorry for the lack of updates. But for the first time life has provided me with more full time rather than empty time. Instead of trying to find things to do, I am now trying to find free time. It's a WHOLE new world.
By the way, when I say "work", this is what I mean. I make beads by hand, which I then make into jewelry. I've spent the last few months making thousands of beads. I took a hiatus after Gracie came, and dove back in earlier this year. I forgot how much I love doing it, and so every free minute I have, I spend in my studio, mixing clay and making beads and jewelry.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
New developments: the sign for "milk" and "sleep". When she's ready for bed, she does the sleep sign, and then the milk sign, and the HEADS OVER TO THE FRIDGE AND TUGS ON THE DOOR. She did it the other night for the first time. It was like she was saying "I'm going to hit the hay..." Now she does it when she wants naps or to go to sleep at night. It's very weird having a child basically tell you you are keeping her up!
She's starting to try to run. She now can walk faster than me, but she trips often.
She loves Jack's Big Music Show. A lot. And Fleetwood Mac and Corinne Bailey Rae (is that how you spell it??) I have to get the Corinne Bailey Rae CD for her- it was on the TV the other night and Gracie stopped, dropped what she was holding, and swayed back and forth. Gracie LOVES to dance and will do it anywhere or anytime the mood strikes her. It is so amazing. I dread the day someone says something to her to make her the least self-conscious about it. I want her to always be able to dance free, to her heart's content, just for the joy of it.
In unpleasant developments: Gracie has hit the point where she hates almost all food. I know this is common in 16 month olds, but I never in a million years thought a Micheline would be a picky eater!!!
Right now we are following doctor's recommendations and feeding her lots of foods and letting her have whatever she will eat. Mealtimes are touch and go- she has to be in the mood- so we are starting to have lots of scheduled snacks. She's an itty bitty thing, so I'm not overly concerned about the quality of the food she eats, although a part of me screams "this is going to mess her up for life! She should be eating the most healthy, preservative free foods you can give her- you are not trying hard enough! Bad mom!!" But to be honest, we tried that and she pretty much laughed at us. So now we are just getting foods the pediatrician recomended- mac and cheese, waffles, cheese chunks, yogurt, cereal bars, different cereals, pasta, and things like slices of ham and turkey. We are trying to choose healthier versions - Annie's Mac and Cheese, less sugar cereals, etc. So at least we are doing that. *sigh*
Tom and I are long term vegetarians (Gracie is NOT- neither Tom nor I feel confident enough in our own nutrition or prepartaion of foods to think gracie would get enough of what she needs from what we eat. We are too carb-centric), so we really have to think hard at the grocery store when we try and find things for her. The other night she had her first hot dog at a restaurant and DEVOURED it. I mean, she acted like she never ate before. And I felt bad because I never thought to give her one. It's just not on my food radar anymore. So I am trying to be conscious of all the foods that I don't normally even think about as being "food" for her. She can't have peanut butter or eggs because she is allergic.
This is very frustrating. She either refuses to eat altogether or she spits everything right out. The worst is when you THINK she's going to eat it, she processes it, and out it comes with no warning.
Okay, I leave you with three movies of Gracie. I'm sorry they are so huge and not on You Tube, but You Tube and my camera's move format do not get along and Gracie sounds like Mickey Mouse when I try and upload them. So you'll have to click on the link to watch them. THEY TAKE A WHILE TO DOWNLOAD, so wait until the little screen comes up.
One is of Gracie walking and saying "no" a few weeks ago, and one is of her giving kisses, talking, dancing, and talking last week. In her corduroys.
Movie One - "no"
Movie Two - "kisses and corduroys" (especially big and SUPER cute!)
Saturday, February 10, 2007
One of our friends from the cat shelter bought Gracie a pair of little corduroy pants when she first got home. I LOVE them on her. Sorry for the blurry pics, but I just love her little-ness in cords.
New Words
- Hi! (pronounced "Aye-Hee" and spoken loudly whenever you say "hi" or enter a room)
- Kitty (pronounced "keeettt")
- some bizarre gibberish with a floppy tongue. It's very complex, and detailed, but makes no sense. At least not to me.
new Signs
- thumbs up
- baby
- monkey
- bird
- all done
Monday, January 29, 2007
Words (really, sounds) Gracie can say:
- No! (pronounced: new, gno, or any variation in between)
- Delilah (pronounced: duh-NYE-nah)
- Uh-Oh
- Wha? (pronounced: whaaaaaaaahhhhh? going extrememly high pitched at the end)
- Baby (pronounced:bee bee)
Signs Gracie can make:
- please
- thank you
- hungry/eat
- thirsty/drink
- bye
- cereal
- kitty (sometimes)
We are working on doing thumbs up now, since the sign for good is too close to "thank you".
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Dear Gracie,
Lately you have been doing this thing in your crib at night- we call it DJ Gracie. The monitor will crackle to life and all the sudden we hear you futzing around in your crib, breathing loud, and then music starts. Then more music starts. And even more. See, you have a bunch of things that make music in your crib- four, to be exact. A book that plays a song when opened, some sort of toy shaped like a worm that plays five different songs, a stuffed animal that plays music when squeezed, and your Fisher-Price Flutter-By soother, which plays something like six sounds (three nature sounds, and three different songs).
Not only do you turn all these on and off in some sort of pattern we can't yet discern, you CHANGE the musical settings on all the toys so that at any moment we get a different smash-up of baby music. You start and stop certain toys every second, so we get a little beat.
Sometimes your DJ show lasts for a few minutes, sometimes an hour or more, depending on how tired you are. It's always entertaining, except when you turn a certain toy on/off on/off on/off every second for a few minutes.
You are now walking like mad. It seemed to happen overnight. In december you tooks ome tenative steps, but seemed in no rush to stop crawling. A few weeks ago you started being brave, and moving from piece of furniture to piece of furniture without holding on to something. Then you started walking to us instead of dropping down and crawling. Last week you were still sort of walking/crawling wiith an empasis on being on your feet, but ready to drop down to knees if something complex came up.
Now you walk. You stomp. You waddle and clomp. You rush by with your hands in the air, screaming manically. You LOVE to walk. You walk in circles all over the great room, over and over. You don't want to play unless you can walk during it. You walk by with a strange thing in your hand (an umbrella, a mixing spoon) and come by again in a matter of seconds with something else.
I love that you walk. We are more even now. Instead of not reaching for me at all because you knew I couldn't pick you up, you reach for my hand. We walk together, holding hands.
One thing that isn't delightful right now is your eating habits. I really don't understand how you could refuse almost evey food we try to feed you, yet eagerly fill your mouth up with broken crayon pieces, dropped bird seed next to the cage, and pieces of paper. Honestly, Gracie girl, macaroni and cheese and chicken and potatoes and fruit is SO much tastier than a piece of wax. I promise. Yet you spit out foods, and we find you constantly with something "illegal" in your mouth. Daddy and I just say "she's got something illegal!" and the other knows to track you right down and force you to spit it out. We can tell it's "illegal" when you walk by with your mouth tightly closed, drooling like mad. You don't usually drool at all, so that's the giveaway. Plus, your mouth being closed is another hint.
You aren't talking yet, but you are constantly making noise. You say "uh-oh" at appropriate times (read: A LOT) and are starting to shut "NO!" However, it sounds like a cross between "new" and "gno" (sort of like "gnocchi", but without the "cchi" part). That's still a random word, you like to just say it. The funniest thing you do is chuckle "heh, heh, heh, HEH" when you get something you like- animal crackers, a hat, something you aren't supposed to have. I half expect to turn around and see you twirling a moustache or something, like those old time movie villians.
When you get up every morning, we hear you warming up your voice and trying new sounds out. You don't try them out during the day for some reason, but in the mornings you give it a go.
The past almost-seven months have been amazing, Gracie. Difficult in so many ways, but just wonderful, really. I love that you have developed into this little person. I appreciate your endless patience with me and your constant forgiveness of my shortcomings as a mom. You always give me another chance to do it right. So thank you.
(The photos above were taken a week or two ago- my parents took Gracie out for the day and my mom bought her some new jeans. When she got home, we tried them on her to see if they would fit, and before we could get a shirt on her, she rushed off, jeans falling off. Typical Grace, always busy.
We are trying to grow out her hair, but a few weeks ago she came home from my mom's with a SERIOUSLY short haircut. My mom cut off all Gracie's split ends, which I knew needed to be done but was dreading. However, she did it when Gracie was slumped in a chair watching Backyardigans, so my mom didn't realize half Gracie's head was hidden by the chair. So she got an EXTRA short cut, which my father still sort of marvels over.)
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Christmas day was relaxing and quiet. We decided to give Gracie her gifts after her afternoon nap, instead of when she first got up, so my parents could be here with her. She woke up from her nap, and we let her crawl around a bit before she realized there was a pile of new, colorful, beeping, blinking toys under the tree.
She pointed at the pile for a long time, looked at us, then bolted over as fast as she could.
Christmas was REALLY nice this year. It's the nicest holiday we have had in years. It was quiet and fun. We relaxed all day and watched a Mythbusters marathon on TV while Gracie played with her toys. While I'm looking forward to the future when Gracie is old enough to participate more in the preparations for the holidays, this definitely went into the books as a great holiday.
On Christmas Eve we have Gracie her big gift- a Chicco Quattro ride-on. I went nuts looking for it after I read about it in a magazine, and every place was sold out. I finally found one online at a pretty high price, and I snatched it up.
I was scared, though, that she wouldn't be interested because she has another ride on that she hates. Toys are so hit and miss.
Needless to say she was THRILLED. When she wants a ride, she gets on it, and honks the horn repeatedly until one of us gives in and drives her around the house for a while.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Dear Gracie,
Today you used a straw for the first time. You hate the sippy cup, even though we have been working with you to try and get you used to it. We went and volunteered at the kitten shelter (you spent more time playing with the cat toys than with the cats), and then we had Mexican food for dinner. After drinking ice water out of a cup, and spilling it all over your purple onesie and your ittsy-bitsy little jeans, we put the straw in your mouth, just to see what happened. After chewing on it for a bit, Daddy was shocked to feel ice water come up through the straw. You often sucked up too much water, and projectile spit it out, but we were so proud. Then you got down, walked around the restaurant (using my cane!) and then made friends with the couple at the table next to us who were very kind and interested in your adoption. I hope we see them again.
Love,
Mama
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The photos in this entry are the record of yet another attempt to try and get an "Official Holiday Portrait" of our daughter. Most of them are of my mom and Tom's butt as they try and coax Gracie to SIT STILL under the tree so we could get ONE photo for the cards. Didn't happen.
Confession: while my shopping is mostly finished, I have yet to write or send out a single card. Woops! This is the first year that I didn't get cards out fairly quickly after Thanksgiving. I love receiving them, and I love walking out to the mailbox with the fat stack to send. But this year? I couldn't imagine wasting any of the rare free time we have sitting and scratching out messages with a pen.
But I can't NOT send something, especially now that I have this incredibly cute child to send photos of IN the cards. So this morning I went to Office Max, got some holiday paper and envelopes and photo paper, and I'm going to do New Year's cards and letters and photos. Late, but at least it's something that's not a bill or junk mail, right?
I just finished *most* of my work that I needed to get done before Christmas. I had a bunch of last minute jewelry orders and I sort of needed to take all of them since I could use the cash. I took a lot of time off from my little jewelry business and I am hoping to get it back on track in 2007, now that Gracie is accustomed to sitting in my studio with me and doing her own "crafty" projects, which involve emptying EVERY SINGLE ONE of my drawers and mixing everything up. It's always a surprise here in the studio.
I have another huge project due (web design wise), but not until January 2nd, so I think I am going to take the next few days off and enjoy the holidays. We have no big plans- just dinner out on Christmas Eve, and a quiet dinner with my parents' on Christmas day.
I have no idea what Gracie is going to do on Christmas day when her toy supply suddenly triples. My husband and I only got her four things (a ride on, a ark full of little animals that make noise, and a little learning/music table) but my parents went absolutely berserk. What do babies do when faced with a bunch of different options in the toy department? She always has one or two favorites and they change weekly, so we sort of switch things out to keep it fresh.
When she first arrived, we mostly had stuffed animals and little soft learning cube stuff, and she never liked it, so we've acquired her toys one by one as we figured out what she DID like. What is she going to do when she gets a bunch of things that roll around, play music, light up, or require copious banging all at once? I can sort of see the smoke coming out her ears already. She's not a "whatever" kind of baby- she sort of keeps all the parts to her toys together and she puts things back before she moves on to the next thing (well, "putting back" as only a baby can, but almost all her toys still have all their original parts, which astonishes me since I can't even keep track of a PEN.)
One weird toy situation: we do have this weird orange half-ball thing with six "legs" that we can't figure out. We have no idea WHERE it came from or what it's supposed to be. Gracie remains silent about its origins, so it sits by itself, next to the pool where she sometimes uses it as a water scoop. Very mysterious.
So what's the big thing your kids want this Christmas? Is there anything, or do they not care? We did the best we could for Miss Cupcake, short of moving into the same neighborhood as the Backyardigans and becoming an animated family. My big coup was scoring a Chicco 4-in-1 ride on. It was sold out of every single store, online and local. I finally got one from an obscure online seller. I was very proud of it. I wish Tom would put the sucker together so *I* could try it out.
Of course, this means she won't ever use it or acknowledge its existence. Murphy Jrs law.
Friday, December 8, 2006
I don't think she liked him very much... Even with TWO snacks.
I think we will wait a few years before we try this again.
Saturday, December 2, 2006
I thought I would do an entry on Gracie since it's been a while. While I do this, she is in her crib, supposedly taking her nap, but instead turning her sound machine on and off and on and off and on and off. It's like morse code for "get me OUT OF HERE".
I know some parents track their children month by month, but I keep forgetting and time goes by SO FAST, especially when your baby is over 9 months when she arrives home. Gracie is now almost 13 months old. Since she was left at the orphanage about two weeks after she was born (no one knows for sure when she was born) her official birthdate (October 20th) is noted as the day she was left at the orphanage, and her "assumed" birthdate is October 5th. So we "assume" in a few days she'll be 14 months.
The big news: Gracie took her first steps the night before last. She's been cruising- holding on to furniture and toddling around. She tends to walk on her toes, and collapses a lot on her tush, but her little legs have been getting stronger and lately she prefers to be up rather than down.
My mom and I were in my studio and my mom was sitting a few feet from me and I held Gracie up and she started toddling and I let go, and she took a step without holding on to anything! She did it one more time, and that was that. I'm not encouraging her too much- I'm not in any rush for her to walk although it might make things easier for me since I can't carry her anymore and it'll be a lot easier to move her around the house holding one or two of her hands than trying to navigate a fast-crawling baby.
She's not really talking- she babbles a lot and has a few words ("Delilah" was her first real word- I guess Gracie knows who the head of the household really is!) but besides calling out to Delilah in the morning (she says "Nye-Nah"), she doesn't say much of anything intelligible. We have been showing her two sign language videos and she'll do a sign from time to time, but the only one she REALLY knows is hat and since she never wears hats, she never does it unless we say the word.
She does point a whole lot. My favorite thing in the world is when I am working at my desk and I see this tiny hand slip up next to me and point to something on the desk, usually whatever I am drinking or eating. She's a very precise pointer. She also likes to "share"- she unpacks the drawers in my studio and sidles up next to me and presents me with whatever she found- a foam stamp, a wrapped block of clay, a candy mold, a paintbrush. She waits patiently until I realize she's there, hands it to me, waits for me to say "thank you!" and then goes off to get something else. After she gives me 5-10 things, one at a time, she decides she wants them back, one at a time, and points to the things in order she wants to receive them. I like this game much better than the "let's sit on the floor and stare at something for an hour and scream if mommy gets up to pee". She's actually DOING and BEING more.
She's like a little person now. I know some people go nuts over babies, but every day, I say "I love this age best of all". Maybe I would have loved newborn-ness, but we only came together when she was 9 months, which is a rough time for babies, especially when they are adopted and go straight from orphanage into a home.
The bonding is still an issue for me- since I can't pick her up, she knows it and does not come to me for comfort. I know she loves me because she'll initiate contact with me, reaching out to me and kissing me, but when she is sad or scared or hurting, she wants daddy. It's hard when I go to her in the middle of the night and comfort her and she won't look me in the eyes or let me hold her- she arches her back and screams for a while and then calms down. If she's really upset, and I come into her room, she'll look behind me to see if Tom is coming, too. That's hard for me, but he was the one who went to get her in Vietnam and he is able to phsycially carry her and pick her up, which she ADORES, so I know that there are reasons and she might grow out of it. I hope so. Having a baby arch away from you is so hard.
She still sleeps through the night and naps, but lately she's been waking up once or twice in the middle of the night screaming. We assume it's teething, and she'll go back to sleep after we come in and love her a bit, but I wish I knew exactly what it was. I hope she's not having nightmares or anything. We try and limit what she sees on TV (we don't exactly watch kid-friendly shows - Lost, Medium, House, etc.- so we don't watch any of that in front of her) but my mom slipped out that they watch Law and Order together at night when she stays over, and since I'm not familiar with the show I don't know if I should be worried.
As far as TV, Gracie is still addicted to the Backyardigans and watches it daily. After breakfast, she goes into her swing with a handful of Cheerios, some juice, a biter biscuit, and watches 1-2 episodes. If we try and get her to play or hang out during that time she freaks out. It seems like she likes a chance to wake up a little before she starts her day. She's not a morning baby- she goes to bed late (10pm) and wake up late (9-10am). She's not really chatty or energetic until noon, and she'll have a burst of energy, and then conk out for a nap. She also takes naps before dinner. After dinner we watch some Miffy together while she bops around and dismantles the entire coffee table. I really don't like that, but she only does it once a day and I refuse to not have stuff in and on the table (magazines, coasters, papers, napkins, etc.) for the half hour she messes with it, so I say "let's put it back" and so we do. I do. She watches.
Gracie always liked Miffy, but lately she's watching it more and more, especially the math segments. There are no other shows she likes at all. Which is good, I think. She loves the theme music to shows, but not the content of the shows. She's always loved Backyardigans- I don't know why, and she tolerated Miffy for about ten minutes, but now she'll sit through an episode from time to time. Neither of those shows have commercials, which I am happy about. I try and not let her see too many commercials- now that I am a mom and sensitive to what's on TV, there's so much CRAP on commercials. Even commercials for kids stuff.
Eating is tough- she's starting to get picky about food. We try and give her variety, and she loves veggies, but she doesn't like meat substitutes too much (besides fake-chicken nuggets) so we do the best we can. My parents feed her lots of chicken, beef, pork, etc. when she is over there or has dinner with them, so the doctor isn't too concerned. Unfortunately, Gracie loves ketchup, and sometimes we add a little to whatever she is eating to get her to eat it. She hates breakfast except for Cheerios. We can't give her eggs because she is allergic. We are now trying whole grain waffles with a little butter or veggie sausages. We'll see how she does. Lunch and dinner are okay- she'll eat what we eat. When she doesn't like something, she chews it and then sort of ejects it like a CD player spits out a CD. It comes out in one big long flat piece, already mashed up and mushy. And that's that.
We have gotten her dairy allergy under control, I think. She hasn't thrown up in a LONG time, since the doctor's visit when he suggested we change formula. She's now on rice milk and off formula, and is not losing weight, so that's good.
The cat allergy is okay- we are Roomba-ing daily and besides some sneezes and runny noses in the morning, she seems to be alright. She never touches the cats (except Ginger) and we wash her hands several times a day. We still need to go see the allergist.
She seems to know the holidays are coming and loves the lights and music and decorations. She's better about the tree than the cats- both Chester and Ginger have never seen a full size Christmas tree and both of them are driving us NUTS with the whole ornament/lights/claws combination.
And that's all from Cupcake Country. Have a good weekend.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Photos!
On a cool day, we opened the windows and dressed Gracie in some warm pajamas to make sure she didn't get a chill. She loves to look out the window, but because she is the nosiest baby that EVER lived, she has to check out what's in the paper bag next to the window, first.
Our little "placeholder" tree (3ft, on the dining room buffet) until my 9ft one arrives!!
Gracie all dressed up for the cat shelter gala!
With my mom...
At the gala- with Tom and me looking tired and frazzled. And my cheeks look like I'm storing nuts for winter.
Gracie and my dad at the gala.
My other babies... A rare moment in which the three cats bond over something.
More, as always, at my Flickr page. If you can't see many photos, you need to add me as a "friend" to see them.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Gracie's shopping for Christmas is done. We got a few things, but I think I am going to put one aside for a Tet gift. As far as big gifts, we got her a Animal Ark, Leapfrog Learning Table, and a 4-in-1 Ride On, which seemed to be like the "Tickle Me Elmo" of this year's infant set. It was SO hard to find. I was just going to forget it, but once I started looking for it, it became an obsession for me. I found one, and so that's her big gift. I tried to get things that wouldn't be gifts that she would grow out of too soon. We also got her some little pool toys (water scoops, mesh toys, etc.) for her stocking. The Ark came yesterday, and it was SO hard not to give it to her today because I think she's going to love it. But Tom put it at the very top of the closet so neither of us can reach it ;)
Funny story about the Ark... iPlay, the company that makes the Ark, also made Gracie's current favorite toy- her little roll around school bus. It was one of the first things I got her, and she still loves it just as much. Gracie LOVES her school bus, which is why I wanted the Ark for her. The school bus is the only toy she keeps together in one piece (meaning the pieces that go with it aren't spread all over the house), and she keeps with her all the time. She rolls the bus all over, moves the people in and out. It plays "Wheels on the Bus", which is her FAVORITE song (besides Ben Folds' "Rent a Cop", but that's a story for another day...) It lights up and beeps and has a motor sound and a sound of the door opening and closing, and the driver talking.
The funny thing is that each of the people are a shape, and when you put them into their "seat" on the bus, they say what shape they are. However, iToys appears to be a European company, so the people's accents are all VERY British. The little boy says "Skuh-wah" instead of "Square". The little girl says "Twy-ayn-gul" instead of "triangle". There's also a "Stah" and a "Suh-kle". It's VERY cute, and everyone notices. I think it's incredibly witty and cool, and I secretly hope that Gracie picks up on it. Anyway, I was kinda hoping the animals on the ark would do it, too, but they just make animal sounds. Oh well.
My snowglobe came. I am so glad to have it back. I will post some photos soon, and then I will place it high up on a shelf and there it will stay. The lady who sold it to me smokes, which surprised me. I don't know why it always shocks me whenever something I buy off ebay or whatever comes from a smoker. I guess I am still shocked that things can pick up the smell of smoke so easily. I mean, I know people who smoked, and my parents smoked when I was a kid. I smoked for a year or two (a bone infection when I was 18 kicked that habit RIGHT in the trash...) It just amazes me that you can tell so much about someone by the smell of something. Smoke is one of the few things that lingers like that.
After Tom and I lived in our old condo for a few months, we decided to replace the verticals on the sliding doors with some sheers. When we took down the YELLOW verticals, we were shocked to find out they were supposed to be white. When Tom was unscrewing them from the wall, smoke was literally pouring out of them. The guy who owned the condo before us was named Simon, and he was an old Greek sailor that smoke like a chimney. I know this because he owned the best damn Greek restaurant in town, and I always hoped his hummus making abilities might rub off on me after I moved in and cooked in his kitchen. No luck. But he used to sit right outside the kitchen and smoke all night.
Anyway. I guess the verticals got the brunt of the smoking he did inside, and then Tom got the brunt of the smoke coming back off them. They were that plastic-y aluminum, so they didn't absorb the smell so much as *store* it for a few years. You know something is gross when Tom gets so squicked out by the smell and the smokiness he decides to bring a 12 foot wide set of verticals down to the trash at 3am. (Yes, that's when we decided to hang curtains. When we were childless, we did things like that.)
Now the only thing we do at 3am is prepare a bottle or change a stinky diaper. Oh, how times have changed. However, I'd much rather be doing Gracie things than hanging curtains, ya know?
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
So I managed to ebay an exact copy of the Peanuts snowglobe that Gracie smashed.
The magic of the internet! Should arrive this week. When it does come, it will be placed on a VERY HIGH SHELF and left there, year round.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
This afternoon I got so hyper about Christmas and wanting to decorate that my husband went into the garage and dug around until he found the little 3' tree we used in the condo and my beloved Peanuts snowglobe, the one put proudly on dislay every single holiday season, the only "knick-knack" I ever really loved. The one with Charlie Brown inside holding court over his forlorn tree, the one that plays "Linus and Lucy", and the one I stare into for hours during every holiday season when I yearn for snow that we just don't get here in Florida. The snowglobe has been the holidays for me for many years.
The fact that everyone else has started decorating is not lost on me. Tom figured the little tree and my snowglobe would shut me up until we could get to Target and get a real, overpriced, 7.5 foot pre-lit tree that will look tiny next to our 15" ceilings. He was right. I instantly feel much better about the status of our decorations.
As I was hopping around, putting up the little tree with Grace watching from her highchair, singing Christmas songs out of tune, my husband said "promise me that you're not going to freak out when this is like every other Christmas, just another day." I have a bad history of getting completely psyched for the holidays and then completely let down on Christmas day when nothing special happens and it all passes without much excitement. No one in my family likes it as much as I do. I see it as this opportunity to bake and have fun and sing silly songs. My family (and Tom) see it as an opportunity to have dinner without the television on. I have had several of what I call "Woody Allen Christmases" the last few years- family stuff so neurotic it could have been in a Woody Allen film.
But not this year. Oh, no. Now there is a CHILD. Grace is home. Everyone else can be as grinchy as they like, as boring as they like. It'll just be her and me, caught in our own little special bubble of pretty lights and sweet songs and seasonal decorations.
As I wound the garland around the tree, I told Tom that it WASN'T going to be like every other Christmas. All I wanted this time next year was for our daughter to be home for the holidays. I obsessed about it. We started our adoption right before Christmas, so it was all I could think about.
I explained to him that because Grace is here, there's no way this holiday season was going to be summed up by "just another day". There hasn't been "just another day" since Tom left for Vietnam in June. It's all about Grace now- when I bake strange lopsided cookies, she'll help me eat them. When I shop, it's for her. When I decorate, it's to make her smile. When I wrap, it's for her to tear it all open. She may not remember it, but if she gets even ten minutes of fun out of it, it's all worth it. I finally have someone to have fun with this holiday season. I finally found a reason to make a huge fuss.
Just as we were discussing this, Ginger (one of our cats) started munching on the Christmas tree and as we dove to prevent her from doing serious damage, Grace managed to nudge my Peanuts Snowglobe off the counter with one of her toys. It fell to the ground and smashed instantly, and Grace looked both puzzled and somewhat delighted at the sudden pile of glitter and fake snow splashed on the floor. (She was in her highchair, remember, and there was Christmas stuff piled on the counter. She has a set of sticks that came with her xylophone and used one to poke at the snowglobe until it went over the other side of the counter. Just so you know we didn't put her on the floor with a big glass ball full of water and left her alone or anything.)
It was either a wake-up call (getting rid of pre-conceived notions of the holidays, blah blah blah) or a sign of all the destruction that may happen in the next few weeks. Both, probably.
Like I said, there's no such thing as "just another day" anymore. Three cats, two birds, two lizards, and a new house and a baby- broken snowglobes and all, "just another day" is history.
Sunday, November 5, 2006
Late photos of Grace from Halloween:
Unfortunately, Grace had a cold on Halloween so she wound up spending the afternoon with her grandparents. I really wanted to take her to some of the events we had around town, but I realized that being exposed to LOTS of kids and things that other kids touch was not going to help her shake the cold. With her allergies, a cold is twice as tough. So she put on her costume long enough to get about 7,000 pictures, and then went to her grandparents.
I spent the afternoon running errands (and window shopping at a scrapbook store...) and then came home to greet our ONE set of trick-or-treaters.
Oh well, time to take the Tigger down. The good news is, the holidays are coming soon and I get to decorate for them! It will be SO wonderful to have someone to share my holiday excitement with.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
My parents have Gracie all day and guess what I have done? Nothing. What a waste!
I got up, went to the foot doctor, stopped at pet store for supplies (Sparky, our goldfish, has some dropsy/swim bladder and I hope we can make it better), went to the drug store, came home, did laundry, swam, showered, had lunch, packed up and mailed something I sold on ebay, and here I am. I planned on either working on jewelry today or scrapbooking, but at 6:10pm, I cannot find the energy or drive.
And I know when Little Miss G comes home in a while, I will regret it.
Oh well. Off to fold more laundry and make up the beds.
Oh, here's some photos of Gracie from her birthday- there's tons more over at Flickr, along with a bunch more of my scrapbook layouts. I finally photographed them and uploaded them... Pretty much any photo with Gracie in it is "friend protected", so add me as a friend in your Flickr contacts to see them if you can't.
at dinner, big smiles!
my parents and Gracie
make a wish!
grabbing the WHOLE PIECE of cake in her hand- like mommy, like daughter
a few recent scrapbook layouts:
and some lame photos of our Halloween Decorations:
Oh, and hey, did Coke stop making C2? Because that's my addiction, and I am so sad I can't find it locally anymore :(
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Gracie's OFFICIAL birthday was Friday, so Gracie, my parents, Tom, and I went to dinner at our favorite local Italian place, and then came home for cake. It was pretty low key, but Gracie got a beautiful holiday dress from my parents and she got to eat lots and lots of ice cream cake. Thanks to everyone who remembered her and sent her ecards and stuff. I printed them all out, and while most of them ended up crumpled or torn up, I can say with certainty she did LOOK at all of them :)
Another interesting thing on Friday is that her allergy tests came back- and I was right, she's allergic to cats. She ranked a 4 allergy on a scale of 1-6. It explains her stuffiness and sneezing and general congestion. Luckily, she's not showing signs of hives, so if we can get the congestion under control, we'll be okay. So off to the allergist we will go. And we are going to finally buy one of those Dyson pet vacuums and make sure to keep the cats out of her room (only Ginger goes in there, anyway) and vacuum daily. I'm trying not to obsess over the cost of the vacuum, but the doctor recommended it and I heard they really make a difference, so there you go. We have hardwood in the rest of the house, and I clean it daily. I will just have to make sure to dust and clean when she's NOT in the room so I don't kick up the cat hair. Luckily, none of the cats go near her except Ginger, so we can head the allergy off. The doctors have said that we are doing a great job, if she's a 4 and not really showing any signs but a few sneezes every day.
And no, there is absolutely NO WAY we would consider getting rid of the cats. I know for some people that sounds insane, but if there's a way we can make this work, you better believe we will do everything we can to make it happen. I have been working at the animal shelter too long to even consider anything of that nature. I have major issues with people who dispose of their pets without REALLY trying to make things work.
Gracie is also allergic to cow's milk (but can have it periodically, which is why she didn't get sick from the cake on Friday), peanuts, and egg whites. The cow's milk explains the throwing up. She hasn't thrown up since we changed her formula, so we think we have that under control.
This week was spent pretty much getting ready for Grace's birthday and finishing up a few projects. I had a few hours to scrapbook on Thursday night, which was awesome. I stayed up until after midnight (Grace spent the night at my parents') and I enjoyed it a lot. I have to admit, though, it's very difficult for me to do anything anymore without worrying if the baby is okay and feeling like I should be with her.
We decorated for Halloween- I am really excited because I have been waiting years to do that. We have a big Dracula-Tigger inflatable thingee on the lawn and a few light-up pumpkins on the front steps and porch (I will take a picture soon!) I hope we get some trick-or-treaters, but I doubt we will. The Island has "organized" Halloween activities, and the two big shopping centers and the YMCA hold trick or treating events where the kids go in costume and get BUCKETS of candy. Plus, half the residents aren't here- they leave for the summers and don't return until after Christmas, so for kids to go out and find only one of two houses among ten blocks isn't worthwhile. But we are at the front of our community (on the road people drive on to get into our neighborhood) and maybe parents will know we are trick-or-treating friendly and bring their kids by. I love Halloween and I can't wait to take Grace to all the events with her cat costume.
I was hoping there would be a local pumkpin patch- not the kind where they have a bunch of pumpkins in a pile, but an actual little piece of land with pumpkins you can go out and choose. However, it doesn't look like the Everglades is a place where many people harvest pumkins. Oh well, maybe we can still find something.
One thing I am learning with Grace is *exactly* what "living in the moment" means. I never ever understood it before. I mean, I understood the concept of it, but couldn't grasp how it worked. Now I totally get it because that's how babies live. While she most likely will not retain any memories of what is happening now, it doesn't mean she's not aware or conscious of what is happening around her. She has emotional reactions to everything- she laughs, cries, smiles, gets ecited. So while I know bringing her to a Halloween party will not really stay with her, if it's a chance for her to have fun and enjoy the lights and other kids and EXPERIENCE of it, even for just a few minutes, it's worth it. It's about the experience at the time, not the memories it will or won't create.
I get puzzled when people say "so-and-so is too young to get anything ouit of it, so it's not worth doing"- to me, babies "get things" right away. Just because they won't remember it when it's over, doesn't mean it's not worth doing.
I am trying to live the same way- in the moment. I'm trying to live in the moment with Gracie. Not worry about what happened to her before she came home, or what she'll be like when she's walking and I can't keep up, but who she is RIGHT NOW and what I can do to not only help her enjoy her life, but also enjoy HER.
And also, for once, enjoy my OWN life. Doing things for the fun of it. Not stressing too much (this is hard, but I'm trying). One moment at a time.
Photos of her birthday and some new layouts to come... just need to get them off my camera!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I have this folder in my email program (yes, I still use Eudora) called "blog". In it is EVERY comment I have ever received here and on my LiveJournal that I have not responded to. I plan on answering every single one.
However, I have come to realize that it's not gonna happen. And I feel terrible. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. I agonize over it. All these comments and connections are incredibly, INCREDIBLY important to me. I probably would blog if there were no comments, but I have to say that having people out there, talking back, responding, is a huge deal for me. It feels lonely without the response. So I am apologizing right now for what I have to do today- delete that folder of blog comments. With Cupcake and my family and this new house and using all my free time to work, the idea of sitting down and emailing makes me a little sick inside. I barely have enough words at the end of the day to say goodnight to my husband, much less sit down and try and be communicative online. In fact, I only get the chance to update this when I get up before the baby does or get a few unexpected minutes off.
This month marks my nine year anniversary writing online. And I've made incredibly close friends, my best friends, by writing online. And the idea of losing that potential, of making new and important friends, by writing scares me. So I keep saving all those blog comments thinking if I DON'T write back, the people who come here will stop. So I'm asking you not to- I'm not some power blogger who gets 30-300 comments per entry and doesn't read them or just sort of "whatever" deletes them. I hate that crap. I read everything, I respond to everything (in my mind), I just never get around to hitting that send button.
I know, I shouldn't apologize. If you want to read this, or keep up with Grace's life, you will. But just in case you think I don't give a shit, I just want you to know I do. I hate when I take the time to read someone's blog, write some very long, emotional response to something they wrote, and have it disappear into the void of the internet. It makes me not want to do that with them anymore. And I don't ever want to make anyone think I'm the same way.
So here's the deal - please keep reading and commenting, if you have a question or comment you want a reply to PESTER ME, and know there's more to this whole writing online thing than pounding out words and walking away from the computer, not caring if anyone reads or replies or what they have to say in response.
More soon, including photos of Cupcake working on her first art masterpiece!
Thursday, October 5, 2006
We got the results back from all of Grace's tests and nothing showed up. Her poop was good, and her upper GI was fine (although both the radiologist and our doctor said that she could have reflux and it not have shown up on that praticular day...). The blood tests got ruined- the phlebotomist wasn't exactly skilled with babies, and despite poking Gracie THREE times, the blood she collected couldn't be used for the tests. So we need to go back and get them re-done.
The doctor suspects she might have a protein allergy, so he switched her formula and ordered more blood tests, and we'll see what happens. When Grace does throw up it's always formula and never food, so it's related to that level of her nutrition, or so we've been told. I don't know...
The good news is that she's not losing weight, and is doing fairly well despite throwing up five or so times a week, so we have the opportunity to wait and see before we go to the next level. I'm sort of aggressive when it comes to my OWN medical care- I don't like to mess around- so it's hard to sit back and wait.
Besides running around to doctors, laboratories, and hospitals for tests, we've been sort of taking it easy. Tom has an intense load with work right now, and my own work is suddenly picking up. My parents were out of town for a month, and I am so glad they are back. They love Grace and take her for little trips to the store and for sleep overs, and everyone benefits. Grace doesn't get bored and restless from being stuck in the house, and Tom and I both get some sleep and get some work done.
Grace's birthday is coming up. She's in sort of a weird situation with that because although her birth certificate says October 20th, that was the day she was found outside the orphanage and not her birth date. They estimate her birthdate is actually October 5th, or thereabouts. So today is one birthday, and the 20th is another. We'll celebrate one as a family (today) and one as friends and family (the 20th). Tom and I already got her a few toys, and my parents got her some stuff. We were going to wait until the 20th to give her the things, but when the UPS man delivered the boxes, she was SO interested in them that we let her open them. She was so excited, and she actually pointed to the photos of the toys on the packages and eagerly pulled pieces out and waited patiently for us to put them together. I am SO psyched for Christmas now- I think she'll be able to comprehend a lot of it. She loves music, colors, lights, and opening things, so she's my ideal Christmas buddy!
I just wanted to thank my friends for sending her some goodies for her birthday- it was SO unnecessary, but the gifts were perfect. She got some wonderful art supplies and stickers and some Backyardigans books, which are the only books she'll sit with us and let us read to her without trying to take off with. I love both art and books with a passion, so the gifts were wonderful surprises for both Gracie *and* me!
Here's some photos of her, drinking her bottle in her chair. She loves her chair. Instead of crawling out of it, she basically rockets her body up and then tumbles out. She could easily crawl out, but she prefers some adventure in the everyday.
While the formula makes her sick, it's still her favorite thing...
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Grace's upper GI went okay. Our appointment was at eight in the morning and they took her back about half hour after we arrived.
She had a great time smiling and laughing at everyone in the waiting room, and I think it's because she thought she was in a restaurant (the only other place we have taken her that was very crowded with people sitting in a small space). When we took her back to the procedure room, she quickly got a little nervous. The test was basically a series of x-rays while she drank a bottle of Barium. She drank enough of the Barium that they could get the photos, but she didn't like laying down on her back at all. The radiologist said it looked fine to him, but the doctor has the final read.
So now we wait and hear from the doctor the results of this test and the poop test.
We also need to get her blood tested to see if there's anything we missed in that area, or if the vomitting is just her being a baby.
Off to bed, LONG day. I think we are all glad we got through this and it wasn't invasive as we feared.
Thanks so much for the comments and encouragement. *hugs*
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
So Grace has an upper GI test tomorrow. She's been throwing up quite a bit lately, and the doctor ordered a GI and a poop test to make sure nothing is going on.
Basically, she's congested, she coughs, and then if there's a recent meal anywhere in her tummy, it comes up. It's getting so common to her she sort of throws up a little and keeps doing what she was ddoing before it started. Just keeps going as if it's not happening. It's good she handles it so well, but bad for us because sometimes we don't realize it's happening until a few seconds after it happened- the silence lets us know.
I have no idea what the test involves. I did some research, and it doesn't seem invasive or painful. I have no idea how they are going to get Miss Cupcake to drink the barium bottle, though. I mean, she won't even drink the Pedialyte (we tried all flavors) we are supposed to give her after she throws up.
I'll post more as soon as we know more. I don't know what they are looking for, or what the test (and the poop scoop) will tell them and if they can offer any solutions based on the results of those two tests.
We also have to get a poop sample from one of our cats, but that's another story for another day.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Today was my first day as a stay-at-home mom.
Wait, what?
Let me explain- today was the first day I shut off the part of my brain that says "you must work!" and spent the entire day with Grace. I didn't go into the studio one single time, except to put away some clean towels.
I work from home- I'm a jewelry designer. I work out of a studio here in the house. It's been VERY hard for me to make the adjustment to not desperately need and/or want to work. I love my job- it's a dream come true. It's been hard to break away from what I do to go and sit on the floor and basically let Grace hand me things and then take them back 4,000 times. For those of you without children, that's basically what 9-12 month olds do. That, and take things apart. Of course, they are INCREDIBLY cute WHILE doing these two things, but there's no real "playing" yet.
I've been trying to give Grace all my attention, plus manage at least a half day of work every day. For a while I had her in here (the studio, where I am typing from) with me, but it's just not safe and it's completely frustrating to keep her out of everything and it's frustrating for her to be be KEPT out of everything.
A few days ago I realized that I couldn't work and be a full time mom, and that on weekdays, when Tom works, I just gotta tear myself away from the studio and the mindset that a day without work is a sin, and give Grace my entire day.
I have to admit, it was very strange to sit on the floor and just play, for hours on end. I kept thinking "I have to get to work!" Sometimes Grace wanted to play with me, sometimes she wandered off and did her own thing (and I read a jewelry design book and made some notes/sketches for my 2007 line, and also ordered Grace a Halloween costume). I kept feeling the need to go DO SOMETHING, and then having to remind myself that what I was doing was more important than any beads I could make. And I have to admit, being Grace's mom is a lot more challenging than jewelry design- it forces me out of my own head, and I'm not used to that. For the last few weeks I have been using work as a bit of an escape, but it needed to stop.
So it will take some time to adjust. But today was probably the very best day Grace and I had since she came home- no temper tantrums, no struggles. We both enjoyed one another. She had two great naps, and ate really well (we've been having throw up issues, more on that in another entry....)
So here's to many more days like today, (with just a FEW hours here and there for work.)
New photos of Gracie up at Flickr!
At the YMCA for swim class....
In our pool...
Hanging out in her room with Ginger...
Many more new photos on my Flickr page- remember to add me as a friend to see them all.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
If you are adopting from Vietnam, or considering it, you MUST read this now, over at Mrs. Broccoli Guy. I've pretty much run away from the whole Vietnam adoption community (save my agency and some families we have become friends with) because I see families making the very same mistakes we made at the beginning of this, and it's happening over and over. It really breaks my heart, because I start thinking about how if our previous agency came through, we wouldn't have Grace today. I can't bear the thought, so I avoid anything that sort of triggers it.
Look, let's be honest- most first-time adoptive parents are not that interested in the "official process" at first. They want their baby, and they want her NOW. If they can get her a few months earlier, what's the harm? I mean, the babies ALL need homes, no matter how they came to be in an orphanage, right? That's what we thought- if we got Cupcake home sooner, it's better for all of us. And we were being told that it was all on the up-and-up, so ignore what anyone said- they were jealous and trying to start trouble for us. We were being told that since the Vietnam process was just starting, no one really knew what the rukes were but the adoption officials.
So who do we believe, strangers we never met on the internet telling us one thing or a professional who had a decent record and who we had many long discussions and whom we felt we had a "connection" with? Think about it.
The first thing first-time adoptive parents look for in choosing an agency is timeframe. We were guilty of that, and we learned our lesson the hard way, which is why we wound up changing agencies after we began the process.
It's only after you become invested in the process and the community for several months that you begin to really understand WHY it's necessary to play by the rules.
Bottom line: You gotta just deal with the fact that there's gonna be a wait. There always is. If there isn't, either your agency is lying to you through their teeth or doing something incredibly illegal. There ARE some families who don't care- they just want their baby home. And for them that works. No one can convince anyone to do this ethically, because the official waiting period is not exactly ethical itself. It's not fair to anyone- children or parents. I mean, it'd be better for everyone if it were much faster. It just *can't* be. Not everything that is physically possible is the best thing for anyone involved.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Tom took some photos of Gracie today- both his camera and photography skills are a lot better than mine, so here are a few.
Gracie learns to file...
Kicking back and watching Miffy... I have no idea how she learned the whole "hands behind the head" thing, but she does it all the time now. She's getting too big for the swing (it doesn't even really swing anymore) but she LOVES to sit in it and eat her Cheerios and watch her 15 minutes of TV every morning.
The rest are up at Flickr- you gotta join and add me as a "friend" in order to see them (sorry about that).
Monday, September 11, 2006
It's September 11th, and if you know me, you know that I was born and raised in New York, and was there visiting when the attacks took place five years ago.
I know there is a general feeling of "get over it", and I *do* understand that (and hate the way the media is exploiting this for ratings) but for me, that won't happen.
I grew up spending a lot of time in the city. As you spend more time in the city, and get comfortable with being in Manhattan, you begin to feel this huge sense of safety- the buildings are so high and all over, every street is basically guarded on every side by buildings that are supposed to stand the test of time, and abuse. There are so many people, it's a world onto itself. You start believing because you are so small, and sort of "lost" within the sea of people and concrete, you'll never get hurt.
All that changed on September 11th. Not only did two of the buildings fall, but two of the largest and most populated in the city. In addition to that, the entire landscape of New York changed. Anyone who grew up looking at the NY skyline, even just occasionally, was overpowered by the incredible gap left in the view. It was like NYC's two front teeth were viciously knocked out. You can never look at the face of the city and NOT notice it.
And all the lives... more than the population of the island I live on right now. In just a few minutes, all of that history and life wiped away... every single one of them leaving people behind.
I think that even though I don't live in NY anymore, I'll always be a New Yorker at heart. And because the city is such a huge part of anyone who lives near it, you never get over that feeling you had when you found out that the World Trade Center was gone. Just... gone. If they could be wiped out, anything could.
So it's hard for me to watch the footage and read the news and not remember how I felt five years ago. Scared, amazed, wounded, and waiting for the rest of NY to fall down. It's been five years, but I'm still waiting to read the news and find out it's happened again.
Anything is possible now- good and bad. I'm trying to focus on the good, as a tribute to all those who fell. But I'll never forget them.
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
I was just telling Tom that I feel like Gracie came to us with this big, whole heart. And every time we make her upset because we can't attend to her wants and needs at that very moment, a piece of her big heart is chipped away. I feel like I'm breaking her spirit, in a way, by not being able to be all she needs me to be.
I feel like I should be by her side 24/7, playing with her, showing her the world, sharing so many things with her. It's just so hard sometimes to make day-to-day life work and be a parent.
She really deserves someone who dotes on her constantly, someone who never gets tired or frustrated or confused. I feel like this little miracle came to me, and I am too clueless to know how to appreciate it. It's just so *hard* sometimes. It gets exhausting and mindless and frustrating and even a little boring.
But then she smiles, and her dimples show, and she lights up, and I hate myself for feeling anything but love for this perfect little girl.
I'm just not good enough for her. I WANT to be.
I hope that I can do more- BE more- for Gracie. It breaks *my* heart that I might be breaking hers.
Sunday, September 3, 2006
Another dinner out with Grace. She did well, but after two hours in a crowded restaurant, I think we were ALL ready to go home and go to bed.
Before I fall between the crisp, cool sheets, here's a meme I got tagged to do a while back. Thanks to Melanie for tagging me- I rarely get tagged! I have one that Dara tagged me for ages ago, as well. I'll do that tomorrow.
1. One book that changed your life:
Oh, man. I wouldn't read so obsessively if most of them didn't change me in some small way. I remember feeling very changed after reading "Poisonwood Bible", and all of Alexander McCall Smith's books on Botswana make me feel very peaceful and appreciative of the blessings in life. Anne Lamott and Elizabeth Berg's books have also had a huge impact on me- both authors have a knack for saying all the things that I feel but can't hope to express.
Eat. Pray. Love is a recent book I've read that changed me. I need to buy that so I can read it again...
2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
A LOT. I read books over and over. I still have all the books I bought as a kid, and if I buy a book, there's a 90% chance it's going to be read at least one more time. I have been borrowing a lot of books from the library for the last few years, though- if I read something outstanding, I buy it so I can re-read it. I re-read Elizabeth Berg, Sue Monk Kidd, Anne Lamott, Maeve Binchy, and Alexander McCall Smith pretty much every season/year.
3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
Wow- I don't know. Probably Elizabeth's Berg "A Year of Pleasures" or "Range of Motion", also "Eat. Pray. Love."
4. One book that made you laugh:
Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series is funny. The last book was very funny.
5. One book that made you cry:
"Talk Before Sleep" Elizabeth Berg.
6. One book that you wish had been written:
The book that makes everyone BELIEVE that they are okay.
7. One book you wish had never been written:
Any text which encourages evil, cruelty, judgement, persecution.
I also despise "victim fiction"- those books that seem to revolve around little girls getting taken advantage of in cruel ways and who grow up and have terrible lives and then die some tragic death. Oprah selected several of these for her book club a few years ago ("Ellen Foster" and "Fall On Your Knees" were both miserable.) No resolutions- just misery wrapped up in fancy words. No thanks.
8. One book you’re currently reading:
I do most of my reading in bed before I fall asleep, early in the morning before Gracie gets up, or in the middle of the night if I can't sleep. Right now I'm re-reading Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions" until the library opens Tuesday and I can check out all the books I have on reserve.
I also read a lot in the bathroom- recently bathroom breaks are the only chance I get during the day to be alone and quiet for a few minutes. There's some Dr. Phil book in there right now. I take in stuff that I find around here that I bought and never re